Well it is almost 2014. Wow time does fly!
It has been an incredible year for me. I wrote and completed my book Rebirth which was not only a guide book for others going through the dark night of the soul, but it was symbolic of my own rebirth.
I am here, where I am today because of three significant relationships in my life that completely transformed me. I hated it! I hated so much of that journey because it was filled with so much pain. But I discovered, in the end, it was a pain I had been carrying my entire life. It was my cross!
The work I do today around narcissism and abuse has evolved more into a dedication to personal empowerment; getting through darkness; and finding our way to the light of ourselves.
Those past three relationships were mirrors for my deepest pain; my greatest wounding. I faced my fear of rejection, abandonment, feeling unwanted, feeling unloved and I realized I migrated towards relationships where I felt needed. The hidden motivation was; “when I feel needed, I won’t be abandoned.”
But the price I paid for being needed was huge. The kind of need I was dealing with was a parasitic need. It was as if I had an unspoken agreement that I would feed lost souls with my precious life force energy. The result was that I was drained over and over again. In the end I died a symbolic death due to extreme loss of life force.
I rose again into my own power and stopped allowing the neediness of others to drain me. The highest path of any soul is to turn to a higher power for their life force energy; not to others. I turned to others too. I was needy too. I understood neediness. But I discovered on this journey, it was the higher power in my life that I really needed. I had to turn to God, as I understand him/her to be.
There had to be a complete surrender, and we surrender when our illusions of life crumble and we are forced to find a deeper meaning.
The deeper meaning for me became my spiritual path and a commitment to share my journey and the lessons I have learned with others. I get to my knowledge from a willingness to experience life and all its lessons consciously. My book rebirth was written about my own conscious journey through the dark night of the soul and the wisdom I have gleamed from helping others through the dark night of the soul. Our journeys are “One.” We are on the same journey.
In 2013 I wrote my third book, I moved into a new house, by the river, that I made into a beautiful home. I learned I would be a Grandmother in the Spring, My son lost his Father and in the end I booked a month long trip to Costa Rica to celebrate my own journey, flying solo.
God rest the soul of my first husband, the Father of my son. I have never written about my relationship with him. Yet he was one in a series of painful relationships. What made him different? Why I never wrote about that relationship was that he was accountable. He apologized for his behavior and took responsibility for it and I could always tell he really wished he could have done it differently. Those were his demons. This was his cross to carry! Last month he lay it down and crossed over to the next world; a world I wonder might be more real than the illusion we live in.
On December 31st, New Years Eve, I land in a Country I have never visited and I begin a new journey. I journey into 2014 with strength, courage and a powerful will to live life to the fullest. I walk alone! I realize I was always powerful but I gave that power to others. Now I give that power to my own life’s journey and my mission.
I thank you for all of your encouragement and support over the years. You were all behind me. I could not have done this without you. You showed me my worth and my value. You mirrored that to me! And I want to mirror it back to you! This is my mission!
Let’s make 2014 the best year ever! Let’s create life on our own terms! Let’s find our courage and stand in our power! We are the creator of our own destiny! Let’s create a beautiful one!
Happy New Year!
Here is my song “Calling” I wrote end of 2012 first of 2013.