Psychic Energy Vampires

vampire_energy2I have frequently used the phrase “psychic vampire,” or “energy vampire” to describe a person who extracts energy from others in order to survive in their world.

We have all heard of vampires, who feed on the blood of others. The psychic vampire feeds on the “life-force” energy of others. However it is not normally a conscious endeavor.

In my book “Narcissism, The Web of Illusion” I talk about narcissistic defenses really being an “unconscious” behavior. The perpetrator is not normally aware of how his actions are affecting others. On the contrary, the perpetrator often feels he is the one being victimized. Narcissistic people are normally energy vampires.

How does one know when his/her energy is being preyed upon? It is really quite simple. Just be aware of how you feel around different people. Start making mental notes. Some people will leave you feeling happy, energized, or nurtured. Others will leave you feeling drained, tired, depressed, angry or confused in some way.

If the person who leaves you feeling tired and drained has this affect on you most of the time than they are likely an energy vampire. You may enter the interaction or conversation feeling good about something and during the course of the conversation you are transformed into feeling bad. For example: Say you just got a big promotion at work and you are really excited. You go home from work and you are high with excitement and share the good news with your partner. He or she listens to you talk about your promotion and then says something like “Good for you! Hey do you know where my blue water bottle is?”

O.K. his/her words weren’t obviously cruel or condemning. S/he even said “good for you!” But somehow you feel that you haven’t been heard and that s/he doesn’t really share in your excitement. In fact it seems more s/he could care less. You feel a plummet in your energy and suddenly you are not feeling very excited anymore. You may respond by saying “No I haven’t seen your blue bottle!” And…s/he goes on to focus on the missing bottle.

The celebration of your promotion at work was cut very short. In fact if you want to celebrate at all you will need to call a friend who actually cares about you and your good news. But by now you may not feel much like celebrating. You may feel that your promotion really isn’t that big of a deal after all. Especially since the person closest to you doesn’t seem to think it is.

Whenever you feel a sudden plummet of your energy whether from a friend, an acquaintance, a co-worker or a spouse or partner, you may be dealing with a psychic energy vampire.

A psychic vampire is not necessarily a psychic person but rather someone who preys on the psychic energy of another person.

I am very sensitive and read energy quite easily. But in the past, I didn’t know enough about this sensitivity to be able to interpret what was going on with me and why I often felt drained when around a lot of people, or certain people. Now I am aware of what is going on around me and know when to leave a room or a situation.

I meet a lot of psychic vampires who appear to be normal people going about their business. But here is what I have noticed. These type of people seem to want something from me. I notice the conversations tend to be one sided where they are doing all the talking and I am doing all the listening. There is no true interaction. I feel the conversation has been hijacked or that I am being held hostage within that person’s rant. If I try to relate or share something about myself pertaining to the conversation, I feel as if I am not at all heard. My contribution is passed up as they continue their conversation as if I haven’t said a word.

When I ask myself what the intention of these people might be, I see they are looking for admiration, approval, positive feedback, are trying to sell me something or get me to believe something. If I begin to feel annoyed, drained, or tired, I immediately excuse myself and leave the conversation.

In healthy relationships we feed each other. We share energy. One of us might be feeling down and the other can encourage us and say things to support us which can bring us up. Other times we are the ones helping and encouraging the other. It is a give and take energy exchange that is mutually beneficial. However with energy vampires, there is no give and take, only take. They don’t have any energy in their own reserves to give.

A psychic vampire or energy vampire is an emotionally and spiritually depleted individual. S/he doesn’t have a true “inner life” and is not spiritually connected to life. S/he has spent his/her life extracting energy from the outside instead of learning how to go within and cultivate his/her own inner world.

Think of the human body and its need for nutrition. Our bodies have the ability to manufacture most of what we need from within if given the right nutrients and building blocks. But let’s say a person eats nothing but junk food and then takes a lot of vitamins. He is relying on this external substance to feed him instead of feeding his body healthy substances that build his body on a cellular level. If he truly wanted to be healthy he would learn that he needed to cleanse out all the toxins that have been accumulating from years of bad eating and then begin taking in high nutrient dense foods to rebuild his body.

It is much the same with a psychic vampire except the food we are speaking of is “life-force” energy. An emotionally and spiritually healthy individual will plug directly into the source of life in order to restore himself energetically and spiritually. He might do this through prayer, meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, sitting quietly, studying either on an individual level or with a group, or talking to someone like a counselor, a minister or a wise friend. These practices have a way of restoring our energy and helping us to learn more about ourselves and our connection to life.

With a psychic vampire, s/he doesn’t really go within. S/he has spent most of his/her life running and is cut off from the true self within. S/he may be very accomplished and intelligent on a mental level. S/he may be very attractive and take good physical care of the physical form. These are things that contribute to his/her over all “outer appearance.” But within s/he is an empty shell. There is no real substance there. S/he is shallow.

The longer we are in relationship with a psychic vampire the more we recognize just how shallow s/he is. The more we search for the depth in the person, the more we realize we are dealing with a puddle rather than a lake. There really is no depth.

It is in the depths of a person we find the human spirit. We find our deepest qualities, our deepest thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams. The phrase “Know Thyself” means to take the journey within and explore the depths of our own being on an emotional and spiritual level. The greater we “know thyself” the greater our capacity to “know others.” If we avoid knowing ourselves, we also avoid truly knowing anyone else. We relate to people on a superficial level, focusing on appearances, rather than deeper truth. Things are not always as they appear to be.

If our life-force energy is in the depths of who we are, then it would make sense that someone, without depth, would need to extract from the depths of others. We get our life-force energy from being truly alive and connected to the source of life. This is where we draw our energy from. This is why spiritual retreat is necessary for the restoration of the human spirit.

Of course all of us have the capacity to be an energy vampire; especially if we have been vampired by another, are sick and/or depressed or addicted in some way. We can temporarily drain others with our neediness and desire to be fed or validated. When we heal ourselves, go within and get our “food” from the source of life, this will automatically change.

If you’ve been “vamped” or otherwise had your energy drained through a relationship with a psychic energy vampire, it is time to disconnect the psychic chords that are allowing the psychic vampire to feed on your energy and go to work restoring yourself through spiritual practice, right eating, and exercise.

An energy vampire has no real power in your life. S/he extracted your energy because you didn’t know any better at the time. You allowed it! Now that you are aware you can prevent it from happening simply by refusing to give your energy to this person and pulling your energy back once you realize you are being drained.

How We Give Psychic Vampires our Energy

We give our energy to a psychic vampire by allowing ourselves to be controlled on some level. We allow ourselves to be controlled by fear, by a desire to please, by a need for approval, and even through anger, pain and rejection. When we are angry at someone we give them a very large piece of our energy. Our energy is focused on the person we are angry at. When we feel dumped, humiliated, rejected or hurt by a relationship we also tend to give our energy to that person through our constant obsession or focus on them.

vampire energyIn abusive relationships we are constantly surrendering our energy and power in order to avoid conflict or further abuse. We suppress our voice, our energy and our personal power which is much the same as handing it over to the other person. We tolerate disrespect, dishonor, criticism, disapproval and overall poor treatment. Each time we experience our abusers disapproval we tend to feel a piece of our energy being extracted. We feel more and more powerless and the abuser feels more and more powerful.

The only way for us to get our energy and power back is to stop giving it away and remove ourselves from disrespectful and abusive environments. We have to love and respect ourselves enough to say “NO MORE!”

Once we are on our own again, it is important to turn the focus of our lives back to ourselves and remove the focus from our abuser. As I said before we continue to give our energy, on a psychic level, through obsessive focus on the past or on our abuser. Although it can be a great challenge NOT to focus on our abuser this really needs to be what we strive for.

The reason we tend to look backward so much and even become obsessed with what our abuser is doing, is that s/he still has a piece of us and we want that piece back. Our illusionary nature believes that we miss that person, miss what we had, and wish there could be a way for it to all work out, but there is much more beneath the surface. I believe we don’t miss that person as much as we miss the part of ourselves s/he took from us.

When we have separated from the energy vampire who has been extracting our life-force energy we must, at all costs, bring our focus back to ourselves and do everything within our ability to restore ourselves to health on all levels, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. This is how we will heal and restore our energy.

Remember, when you are connected to the source of life, you can draw energy directly from the light. Once you have stopped leaking your energy to the past, you can fill your reserves again and get on with your life in a much more empowered way.

We can become more empowered once we get ourselves back from a situation that extracts our energy because we learn not to allow that again. We learn how to protect ourselves and we are able to see the signs when someone is extracting our energy and leave the situation much sooner.

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4 thoughts on “Psychic Energy Vampires”

  1. Hi Kaleah,

    I hope you are fine. It is for several years now that I am following your blog and that I have bought some books from you. They are frightening correct. I can find myself in all of the situations (or most) . I had a real bad relationship for a long time, and I still am not out of it… Every time, I am confronted again with my partner, the same happens : I kind of want to start again with him. Maybe like you say : not because of him (though I would like to help me to get connected) but to recover what I lost : the trust, the acceptance, the comradry and projects that a couple should have. He replaced it all by insulting and rejecting me, accusing me, threathening me …. And I want it back. I am still atracted to him, the way he is dressed, the way he is behaving … Auwfull

  2. So this is confusing. How then does a one live or be married to a “psychic vampire” for many years without “withering” or “dying” from their energy being sucked out for so long?

  3. Kaleah,
    Your writings r amazing. I would like to fly to ur hometown and meet you.

    I have been mentally connected to these kind of people. I read all your books
    Over and over. That’s the only way my brain will work right. Literally I’ve read
    Narcissism Free over and over completely 4 times.

    You completely nail it!!!! You really know it……… How can I meet you????

  4. I am so glad I read this. For over a year, I’ve been spending a fair amount of time researching the subject of narcissism and I now know what I’m dealing with. It has a NAME. After 20 years of “togetherness” and 17 years of wedded bliss–let me rephrase, I mean emotional hell, I am beginning to make plans for MY future. I have found a great deal of encouragement, understanding, and HOPE from reading several blogs all over the internet. Even though the reality is extremely painful to accept and digest, reading stories of women who experienced the same type of treatment/abuse as me has helped and encouraged me in many ways. And I can’t avoid it or run from it any longer but even with all that said, it is still a hard pill to swallow. The reality of what all this means hits me like a ton of bricks. Knowing and processing the fact that you are helpless in “fixing” any of it is a hard truth.

    BUT knowledge is power. You explained this on a level that resonated with me. Ironically, I only stumbled upon an article about narcissism while I was reading about empaths. The topic was on energy vampires which to no surprise included information about narcissists. I had heard the word “narcissist” before but I now think, unless you’ve really researched narcissism, it is easily misunderstood as only meaning conceited or egotistical, when really it is not that simple.

    Even though I am armed with knowledge, I have a day where I feel empowered, but then it is followed by a day feeling unbelievably stupid and naive, followed by a day of stressing about how to manage financially, followed by a day where I think “wait woman, do you really want to disrupt everything–this is all you’ve known for 20 years”, followed by a day of feeling immense anger at him, followed by feeling content about ending this for good. But most days consist of feeling all of those things all day long throughout the day.

    I know what I have to do. After 20 years, I have finally confided in a friend–a girlfriend who has known both of us for our entire marriage. It has taken me 20 years to openly talk to someone about my reality. That was my first hurdle and I immediately felt better when I did. I now have ONE person I can talk to honestly and openly about everything. It wasn’t easy to do but by doing so–I had been covering for him for a very long time, but I do feel like it is a step in the right direction and breaking free of this.

    Thank you for your insight.

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