A Fate That Narcissists Will Hate: Being Ignored

I’ve had a lot of people email me the link to the recent New York Times article stating that the diagnosis for NPD or Narcissistic Personality Disorder is going away. That’s right!

A Fate That Narcissists Will Hate: Being Ignored

“The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (due out in 2013, and known as DSM-5) has eliminated five of the 10 personality disorders that are listed in the current edition.

Narcissistic personality disorder is the most well-known of the five, and its absence has caused the most stir in professional circles. “

Perhaps NPD is so common now that it is no longer considered a “disorder.” But those of us who have experienced the insanity of being with someone who, if honestly evaluated would have fit all the characteristics of NPD, we know there is nothing “normal” about it. But we don’t need a diagnosis to name it!

Most who have come to my Website looking for help and support to deal with the fall-out of a relationship with someone who is highly narcissistic never had the diagnosis from a shrink to prove it. That is why we go searching for answers. Naming the disorder helps us to understand the maddening insanity we have been through whether or not a psychologist backs us up. We are not dependent upon a professional diagnosis. This is a spiritual disorder! And people are not going to suddenly stop talking about it. On the contrary there is more talk now then ever. Which is why it is so interesting that the writers of the DSM-5 have decided to delete the diagnosis.

Someone wrote on my forum that it is important to have the diagnosis because it is the only way to get insurance to cover it? To cover what??? Victims of narcissistic abuse are not covered! Not those who need help the most. Narcissists don’t need help! They seldom ever seek therapy! They don’t have a problem! Right? Everybody else is the problem. And most insurance companies who cover mental health issues do have a category for depression. That’s pretty much a “catch all.” Or “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?”

Probably by the time the DSM-6 roles around NPD will be listed again, for the benefit of the psychologists who don’t know where else to put these people.

Personally I’m not concerned. I will file NPD along with Psychic Vampires and Soul Rapists. There is no category in the DSM-5 for those either, but they are out there. I don’t think there is a category for empaths or highly sensitive people , but those writing books about these personality types are selling them by the truckloads.

Interesting…but life goes on!

Naming my Dis-ease

As I sit in the hot tub in the atrium I was aware of a shadow outside the atrium window. I looked out my window to see a little deer grazing only feet away. She was attracted to the same corner I was and both of us content in our worlds. I knew now that I was finally starting to let go! To settle down! To drop fully into this place of healing the body, mind and soul.

I didn’t want to tell anyone that I had Lyme disease. Because to speak it is to own it! But I realized that I needed to own it before I could let it go. I had to name it! I had to name it in order to fully understand what I was dealing with. I had to get an image.

I realize that I have been struggling with some form of this dis-ease for three years.

On a metaphysical level I had internalized the parasites of the outside world. I had taken those little bugs inside of me. I had absorbed the virus, the bacteria into my blood, my skin, my cells. I found myself angry at the injustice of the world, those controlling members of society who have no concern for humanity! I was angry at the government, Big Corporation, Monopolies, Monsanto, the Dark Lords and the major interests who want to compromise our health and well being for profit! Narcissism ruled the world and I was angry about that!

But I can’t fight injustice with anger! It is literally eating me alive!

I have to let go of this burden and instead of fighting injustice, I need to embrace love. If my attention is on the injustice that is the reality I will live. But if my attention is on embracing more love and more light, than I can create a life of joy instead of bitterness.

The book I have been writing on narcissistic abuse was nearly complete when I became ill. Call it coincidence, but I always look deeper into every so called coincidence. My resistance to releasing the book was huge. I think it is because I feared ingraining myself more deeply as an authority in this field. I feel like there is a piece missing that I have not yet found and until I find that missing piece I need to take a break from the book.

As I started treatment for Lyme disease I had a dream about my ex-boyfriend whom I believed was narcissistic. My dream showed me that he was still a ghost in my house, or psyche. That is the most difficult issue most people have once letting go of the narcissist in their life. He or she remains inside like a parasite or virus continuing to rear its head at times of weakness. They are often dormant, ironically like the Lyme bugs can be. The Lyme bugs are often not detected in tests at all, because they go into hiding. They still cause dis-ease in the body but it is difficult to know what is really going on. The Lyme is also very difficult to eradicate. It can take years. It can take years because they are immune to the treatments while in hiding (embedded in the cells) and if the treatments aren’t continued they can come out of hiding when the cells die and then proliferate.

I’m doing a very aggressive alternative therapy that promises to eradicate the Lyme in just a couple weeks. It is not antibiotics or anything I ingest at all. I am being treated with huge magnets that draw out the bugs and destroy them in the areas of the body they have invaded. And so hopefully I will be well on my way to a complete recovery very soon. However there has been damage that will have to be addressed even after the Lyme bugs are gone? Sound familiar? For me my arms have been greatly affected and I lost most of my range of motion in both arms. And so I will be in physical therapy anywhere from three months to a year or so to regain the full use of my arms. Again it is a parallel to recovering from narcissistic abuse as we must often be in therapy for a time to regain what has been lost during the invasion period.

I believe the Lyme has come into my life for a very important reason. And when I looked for the correlation between my Lyme’s and the work I do with narcissism and abuse it was pretty easy to see the relationship. Both are parasitic entities that have the power to take over if not stopped.

Ironically on a larger scale our earth is fighting the same battle as the parasites of the world take and take from her without concern for her her well-being. The air, the water, and the soils are being polluted with all the toxic wastes dumped upon her by ignorant, careless people who have no concern for life. Those who continue to rape, pillage and pollute the earth are only concerned with what is easiest and what makes the greatest profit. They have no sense of the future as the Native American ancestors who considered the affect of their actions on seven generations before acting. In our sick, out of balance society most don’t consider this generation let alone seven.

My personal mission is to know what to do with all this information without going into fight mode. I can’t continue to fight against the evils of our world because it causes disharmony within myself. When I look back at my perpetrators of the past I am no longer angry at them for hurting me. I can now see them with compassion because I can see they are simply very wounded and their behavior comes from their wounding. It doesn’t mean that I excuse the behavior or that I allow it to continue. But I can forgive them, because they are lost and very misguided. To forgive them softens my heart and allows more room for love within me.

I don’t hate the lyme bugs that have taken over my body and even taken the use of my arms. Because I know it isn’t personal. They don’t have a personal agenda against me. They are simply doing what they do. But it doesn’t mean that I will allow them to continue to hurt me. No way! They must go! They are not allowed to take over my body! I will do everything within my power to eradicate them. Because they don’t belong here!

I suppose it was very much the same with the narcissists in my life. I simply had to get them out of my house, my body, my mind, and my soul. They didn’t belong there.

As I turn my attention inward for my own healing I find that there is still a little closet cleaning I have to do. There is still a little residual energy that has to be cleared away so that I can truly be in that space of love in my life regardless of what seems to be going on in the outside world.

Divorce Healing and Transformation with Lori Rubenstein

Divorce Healing and Transformation –
A Support and Coaching Tele-class

Are you ready to move forward after a divorce or separation?
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If you are, then this weekly coaching-support group may be for you!

Group details:
– Up to 8 members accepted
– Purchase or download the book, Transcending Divorce
– 6 week commitment
– Begins January 25, 2011 – 5:30 pst, 6:30 mst, 7:30 cst, 8:30 est
– Must be ready for change and transformation and be willing to
do weekly homework
– $189 for entire 6 weeks
– Short phone interview with Lori mandatory prior to joining
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lori@attorney-coach.com
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The Empty Well

I come to your well hoping to be filled and instead I leave empty.

I believed in your love and yet it couldn’t sustain me.
I had hope and my hope was destroyed.
I revisited the well time and time again, hoping this time my thirst would be quenched
But still I left parched.

I knew I had to stop making that journey to your empty well. Because I knew it would only bring pain and disappointment.

You were there only in health and abandoned me in sickness
You were there only in wealth and abandoned me in poverty
You were there only in the light and abandoned me in the darkness
You were there only in the good and abandoned me in the bad.

There was a dark shadow looming over me and I believed that shadow was mine only I came to realize that it was yours all along. It was the shadow you rejected in yourself and projected upon me.

I came to you bringing my light only to have it consumed by your darkness.
But you had to believe that it was me who was lost.

You had to believe it was me who ran from love.
You had to believe it was me who could not go the distance.
And because your belief was so strong. I believed it too.
But all along it was you and you could not see it.

When I was with you I was alone.
And when I was alone, I wanted to be with you.
I wanted to be with the you I had imagined but who was never real.
I wanted to be with the you I had dreamed up in my own souls longing to merge with its eternal self.

I had projected my own beautiful essence onto you and looked to you to reflect it back to me.

But instead you reflected your own lost soul. A soul lost in darkness and fear.
And in the end it was me who was lost and drowning and helpless.
And in the end you walked away leaving me drowning.

You are forever embedded in my memory.
The memory of my greatest love, and my deepest pain and sorrow. Deeper than anything I had known.

I can say now that I love you still. Because the love I have for you is the love that is born from my own heart and soul.

I am that love! And it is in the giving of that love that I come alive.

You could not love me with any real substance because that love was lost in you. For a moment, a brief moment in time, I believe I reflected that love to you and for that brief moment you remembered.

All you could do was take because you had nothing to give. And when I had nothing more to give there was nothing left.

And so you went in search of someone else who could reflect the love to you, that was lost deep within you. And I lost the love within myself. I was cut off from my own heart and soul. I was empty like your well and I was abandoned in my greatest darkness.

It took a long time to find that spark of light within and breathe life into it again. It took a long time for that spark to become a flame and that flame a fire burning brightly within.

But now that I burn! I can never return to your well. For it consumes my light and leaves me in darkness.

I pray that one day your well will produce water, that your heart will be known to you and your soul will seek its eternal flame. I pray that you will find the love that has been buried beneath layers of pain, abuse and sadness. I pray that one day you will open your eyes and see and when you do that you will remember me and how much I loved you.