Tag Archives: narcissism

The Core of All Wounds

Dr. Judy Rosenberg, psychologist, tells us that human disconnect is at the root of our wounds.

As human beings, we need to have connection with others and the more disconnected we feel, the more difficult it can be to have healthy relationships with others.

The original cause of human disconnect happens in infancy when there is a lack of connection with the Mother and Father. This lack of bonding or connection with Mother can happen for a number of reasons including premature births, resulting in having to be in an incubator, postpartum depression or any other kind of depression, rigid rules having to do with allowing the baby to “cry out” rather than comfort and soothe the baby, personality disorders, mental illness, physical illness, addiction and even death or divorce of a parent. We also have extreme circumstances such as childhood abuse and incest.

Rosenberg says that breast feeding, eye contact and skin to skin contact is very important for the infant to build a strong sense of self. When a mother or father looks lovingly into the eyes of the baby, the baby is provided healthy mirroring and gets the sense he/she is loved and valued.  If a parent is “distracted” or preoccupied, this kind of connection may be limited, or not happening at all.

Once we are adults, we can’t go back and change the circumstances of our childhood but we can heal by understanding and learning how to connect with ourselves.

Understanding that the original relationship of baby to Mother and Father is the cause of the disconnect wound, does not mean we “blame the parent.”  Developing this understanding helps the “adult child” to realize the disconnect wound was not his/her fault but healing it in adulthood is his/her responsibility.

The disconnect wound, like the sins of the Father, are passed down from generation to generation and until someone in the family tree breaks the chain by healing their own disconnection wounds, the problem will continue to be passed down.

There is a huge difference between fault and responsibility. Blaming anyone for how we feel will not help us to heal. But truly accessing our “feeling” states will help us reconnect to ourselves, to God/ Spirit and to each other in a more authentic way. Continue reading The Core of All Wounds

Is the Narcissist my Soul Mate or Twin Flame?

The idea that you have a Soulmate out there, somewhere in the world, who is ideally suited to be with you, is very romantic and hopeful.

Who doesn’t want to believe that we don’t have to walk through life alone, not ever really finding someone who “gets us” and is fully devoted to us.

We come into the world alone and we leave this world alone, but it would be nice to know that during this life we can share it with a companion to our soul; someone who lights our fire and brings us to life, in a way we have never been before.

Often times when we first meet a narcissist, we have that strong feeling of “knowing” that person and the connection we feel is unlike any other.  How else do you explain it but to say “this must be my soulmate; the one I have been waiting for.”

Soulmate quickly becomes “Cellmate” when the crazy making behavior begins to turn your once perfect world upside down and inside out.  Some say a soulmate relationship can be challenging but this is more than challenging.  It is soul destructive!

The danger so many people fall into is not knowing when to call it quits.  The soulmate “theory” keeps one holding on, long past the expiration date. Continue reading Is the Narcissist my Soul Mate or Twin Flame?

Anchoring Love in a Time of Fear

14610936_1277621358970672_4565553264326758542_nThe energy on the planet, especially in the U.S. is very intense right now. That intensity has found its way into my life, even as I have done my best to stay positive and anchored in love. What has been the most difficult thing for me is feeling so judged by people when I express my views, which are positive, hopeful and anchored in the vibration of love. I ask those who lash out to take responsibility for their own emotions, and they lash out more.

Finally, I resolve to disconnect from those who are expressing such hostility. But often they chose to disconnect from me first because of their disappointment in me.

I am healing some pretty deep wounds; as are we all, and one of the most difficult things to experience is feeling judged and having people disappointed in me. It triggers my core shame. I don’t like the way I feel. I want people to like me! I want to be accepted. I want to be approved of. But this is being challenged right now. Continue reading Anchoring Love in a Time of Fear