Tag Archives: self love

The Core of All Wounds

Dr. Judy Rosenberg, psychologist, tells us that human disconnect is at the root of our wounds.

As human beings, we need to have connection with others and the more disconnected we feel, the more difficult it can be to have healthy relationships with others.

The original cause of human disconnect happens in infancy when there is a lack of connection with the Mother and Father. This lack of bonding or connection with Mother can happen for a number of reasons including premature births, resulting in having to be in an incubator, postpartum depression or any other kind of depression, rigid rules having to do with allowing the baby to “cry out” rather than comfort and soothe the baby, personality disorders, mental illness, physical illness, addiction and even death or divorce of a parent. We also have extreme circumstances such as childhood abuse and incest.

Rosenberg says that breast feeding, eye contact and skin to skin contact is very important for the infant to build a strong sense of self. When a mother or father looks lovingly into the eyes of the baby, the baby is provided healthy mirroring and gets the sense he/she is loved and valued.  If a parent is “distracted” or preoccupied, this kind of connection may be limited, or not happening at all.

Once we are adults, we can’t go back and change the circumstances of our childhood but we can heal by understanding and learning how to connect with ourselves.

Understanding that the original relationship of baby to Mother and Father is the cause of the disconnect wound, does not mean we “blame the parent.”  Developing this understanding helps the “adult child” to realize the disconnect wound was not his/her fault but healing it in adulthood is his/her responsibility.

The disconnect wound, like the sins of the Father, are passed down from generation to generation and until someone in the family tree breaks the chain by healing their own disconnection wounds, the problem will continue to be passed down.

There is a huge difference between fault and responsibility. Blaming anyone for how we feel will not help us to heal. But truly accessing our “feeling” states will help us reconnect to ourselves, to God/ Spirit and to each other in a more authentic way. Continue reading The Core of All Wounds

I Need You To Love Me

podbeanbutton_144wWe often get caught up on a Merry-Go-Round of trying to get our needs met from other people, investing an enormous amount of energy in trying to get love from an empty well. Why is this? How can we break this pattern and learn how to truly live “in love?”

In this episode of Pandora’s Box, Kaleah explores how we give our power away to people and things outside ourselves in attempt to get our deep, inner needs met. She addresses the dynamic we find ourselves in with narcissists and addicts and how we can change our pattern of attracting hurtful and destructive relationships.

Fear and Drama is the Ego’s Food!

ego-spiritRecently, on the advice of a mentor, I revisited Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth”.  Often when we have had years of growth between the last time we have read a profound book like this one, it is like reading it for the first time, because there is so much insight we might not have gained from our first reading.  We gain what we are ready and willing to gain or absorb.

Tolle really delves into the Ego and how it is the Ego that defines our illusory self.  This is the “Self” we have been conditioned to believe we are.  We identify with this “Self” and the more we do this, the more power we give it.  When we become aware of the Ego it loses power.  When we can learn to identify the ego, to observe it in action, we bring awareness to this dysfunctional aspect of Self.  When we become aware of something it can no longer function in the dark.

When we are in turmoil and emotional pain, the ego is thriving!  According to Tolle, we could not feel emotional pain, rooted in the past, if we were not identified with our ego.  Our ego tells us we are our pain.  Our thoughts, or the voice in our head, tell us untruths about ourselves that increase our pain.  We hear the voice that tells us we are worthless, we are “no good,” we are unlovable and so on.  I have always called these “core beliefs” because we often learn these lies about ourselves in early childhood.  However, these lies go dormant and surface again when we have an upset, crisis or trauma in our lives.  We come to believe, because we are having this crisis, upset, or trauma it must be because of something within us that is inadequate or something we are doing wrong.  Shame, blame and guilt! Continue reading Fear and Drama is the Ego’s Food!