Our fifth guest on the “Evolving Men” series on Dispelling the Myths is Derek Rydall, a man who challenges the “Law of Attraction” with a much more relaxed way of looking at life that he calls “The Law of Emergence.” Of course I am all about Emergence and named my last music CD “Emergence” to capture the Emerging energy of the current time we live in. Where many people see doom and gloom and visions of the “end times” I see rebirth. And I know I am not alone here.
One thing I have found really interesting in my work and in my personal life is this huge transformational energy that seems to be descending upon us like a cloak of darkness one by one. If the world is indeed going through a major transformation then wouldn’t each one of us, individually, be challenged to undergo our own personal transformation?
As I write this I look out my dining room window at a blanket of snow and snow is falling like white rain. It feels as if Winter has come early but it brings with it a peace and tranquility. It feels as if the snow is covering the past and offering a clean slate in which to re-create my life. I feel the sadness of the past and the joy of the moment co-mingling. I never realized how sadness and joy could dance as one. But there is a bittersweet feeling within me that tells me my own rebirth is at hand. In the past two days, two of my friends, one male, one female said to me the same thing “Kaleah you are already there. You have already done it.” Sometimes our friends who watch us go through our transformation can see us more clearly than we can see ourselves. They see in me this fresh new energy emerging and I am no longer in darkness. I am now being born. The phrase “as pure as the driven snow” comes to mind as I see the snow falling. There is a purity, a serenity that soothes my soul. Perhaps I have already been born and I am gazing at life with a new kind of innocence. As each day unfolds there is more sweet than bitter, more love and compassion than the former feelings of anger and injustice. Life has a way of putting things right, when we simply surrender to the process of transformation wanting to take place. It is in resisting that transformation that we remain stuck in the pain.
My neighbor lady, a sweet seventy two year old woman told me the story of her cleaning lady the other day. She said the cleaning lady had no idea there was a problem in her marriage. But one day her husband shot her and she lost her life. My neighbor told me how lucky I was to be free and to have my life and for a moment I really heard her and I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I was alive! I was alive! I know there were times I didn’t want to be alive. I wanted to die. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore.
As I write this the snow is falling harder, the white rain has given way to fluffy white flakes falling down around me. I remember the pain and I feel the familiar heaving in my chest. It is like remembering the birth canal and the pain of trying to push through. But then I hear the quiet whisper “you’ve already made it.”
Most of you who are going through the pain of your own greatest transformation may not see the light at the end of the tunnel or believe that the bitter will soon dance with the sweet and after that it will be more sweet than bitter. How can you know when you are still sitting in the dark silence of the void?
This is the week of Thanksgiving and there are no greater words of encouragement I can offer than to give thanks for what you have. Focus on what there is to be grateful for, even if you have to search long and hard to find it. My Aunt Alice lost her leg in a motorcycle accident the summer before last and now her life is centered around coping with life on one leg. When I think of Aunt Alice I give thanks for my legs. My friend Doug is losing a long battle with Cancer and Hospice has been called in. He may not make it through to Christmas. As I think of his flame, slowly fading I am grateful that my flame is growing stronger.
Doug turned his guitar over to me as I had expressed an interest in learning to play the guitar. I finally took it out its case, had my first lesson a few weeks back and have since written two songs. My teacher Chet and I sat in my living room the other night with our guitars strumming away at my new song “Winter” and my soul was flying! I couldn’t believe I was playing the guitar, something I had always wanted to do. It was a feeling of being “in love.” When we follow our passions we fall in love, not with a man or a woman but with life. And it was time! It was time for me to put away the small things of my past, being in love with men who were not connected to their own soul, and instead fall in love with life and connect to my own soul in a way I had never done before. For this I am grateful!