What’s In It For Me? Self Care Versus Selfishness

When we find ourselves in relationships with narcissists it is easy to get caught up in a whirlwind of romance, gifts, and promises of happily ever after, but once the honeymoon wanes it is an entirely different story. At first we may feel as if we have been given the world but in the end our world falls apart. How did we miss the important clues?
The first question most of my clients ask me is “how do I get beyond this.” The second question is “how can I be sure I will never do this again?”

If you are a co-dependent, people pleaser, fixer, rescuer type of personality then it is important to look for signs within yourself of a desire to rehabilitate the narcissist in your life. I get as many emails asking me “how do I fix him” as I do “how do I fix myself.” The first part of getting better is to let go of any need to “help” the other and turn your focus on yourself. Yes I am asking you to be self-ish.

What often happens in a narcissistic relationship, after the honeymoon period wanes is you will find yourself doing more, giving more, and trying to be more in order to get back to the honeymoon. If you think about it, all the narcissist has to do is invest a few months of “pouring it on thick” and then he/she gets to bleed the rest of the relationship for all its worth. It only takes those few precious months to hook you in and get you fully devoted to serving the other.

We find ourselves giving all that we have within our emotional reserves to keep that relationship alive. It is not surprising nearly everyone coming out of a relationship like this says “I feel my soul has been extracted.”

Our soul is comprised of our life-force energy, our emotional energy and when we deplete ourselves trying to give everything we have to keep our relationship alive, we drain away the lion’s share of our life-force. We forgot to ask ourselves, somewhere along the line, what is “that person” doing to keep the relationship alive? What emotional resources is he/she investing in this relationship? Who is taking the responsibility? Who is the one really putting forth the effort?

We get conditioned to respond to crumbs of love, affection and attention and rather than putting our own attention on how we are emotionally starving to death, we learn to be grateful for those few crumbs we are thrown along the way. We develop a type of emotional anorexia where we can’t see how we are starving until it is almost too late. I say almost because if you are still here, reading this, you can recover.

This is such an important topic that I have decided to make it the topic of my show this week. Let’s talk about how you can start becoming much less self-less and start really paying attention to your “self.”

Learning to put yourself and your own needs first is crucial not only for your recovery from narcissistic abuse, but also when you are really tuned in to your own needs you will be much more aware of outer attempts to extract your life-force energy.

Since most of us have been conditioned in some way, since early childhood, to be selfless, it comes very naturally to us. True self-care is a learned art and absolutely necessary for your well-being.

So please join me Tuesday at 4pm PST as we ask the question “What’s In It For Me?”

Tuesday February 28th, 4pm PST: What’s In It For Me?

Self Care versus Selfishness

When entering a new relationship are you seeking someone who can ultimately benefit you or are you thinking about all that you can give to that person? Most Co-dependent type people are more concerned with giving to get rather than considering their own needs and how that “other person” could potentially meet those needs. If one thinks too much of his/her own needs there may be a shame based idea that “I am selfish.” Join us for this episode of Pandora’s Box where you will learn to consider your own needs first and foremost when considering a new relationship. Learn how to ask yourself all the right questions and what those questions are.

If you would like to participate on the show you can call in during the last half at 347-826-9626.



The Genesis Code: The Next Level of Man with Abraham Lopian and Julie A. Snyder

Tuesday February 21st, 4pm PST:

Since I began Pandora’s Box it has been my intention to interview guests much less frequently and talk about many of my own ideas, but I have wanted to leave it open to interview a guest when I felt drawn to someones work. When I received the information about The Genesis Code I felt I wanted to interview these people even before I received the book. I had an opportunity to speak with both Abraham and Julie today on the phone and I am really looking forward to our interview. They are both great people with some really powerful insights. And it was their spiritual journey’s converging that brought about the book The Genesis Code which we will be talking about during the interview. It promises to be an enlightening conversation so please join us.

The Genesis Code: God Has Spoken, is an untraveled path that leads to God’s giving of the Luchot Haedot—the “first” mystical tablets brought down Mt. Sinai prior to the giving of The Ten Commandments. See creation through the eyes of Moses, learn what these tablets truly were, and know their unparalleled message that is the “Bible’s deepest secret.” At the depths of God’s written word, a cod ed language was embedded in the Bible over 3000 years ago. Deep within the Five Books of Moses, God’s message would lay dorm ant for thousands of years…waiting for a future man to absorb its truth. The Genesis Code: God Has Spoken sheds new light on the metaphysical world, reveals how our three-dimensional reality rose out of the “nothingness that is everything,” and delves into aspects of the Godliness our world has never known. Full of new concepts and revelations, you will never look at life and creation the same again. The “next level” has just entered your awareness.

Abraham and Julie, through their diverse backgrounds, lifestyles, and experiences bring forth extraordinary revelations of enlightenment for today’s consciously evolved male and female. With passion and intelligence, the reader is taken into the rabbit hole of advanced conceptions where a new and extraordinary perspective of God, man, nature, life, death, love, and reality emerges out of the shadows and into the light of human awareness.

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Anah Maa, Out of Darkness of Ritual Abuse

Tuesday February 14th, 4pm PST: Anah Maa, Out of Darkness of Ritual Abuse

Join Anah Maa, former co-host of “Dispelling the Myths,” and I as we discuss Anah’s new book release The Light at the end of the Tunnel. The Light at the End of the Tunnel is an inspiring true story about how Kelly Lynn (now, Anah Maa) overcame all odds and found healing and joy. Kelly was born into a sadistic satanic cult. For the first 12 years of her life, Kelly was sexually, physically, mentally and spiritually tortured, she was raped, sold into child prostitution and used in their sick and twisted child pornography ring. In the cult she witnessed the night time rituals of bloody sacrifices, violent deaths, the torturing of innocent children and animals. http://www.ajourneyoflight.com/

If you have a question or comments I invite you to call in during the last part of the live show. (347) 826-9626.

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