I had a dream the other night where I beat the holy crap out of my ex husband and it felt really good. In the past I might have felt guilty about having such a dream. I might have wondered what kind of homicidal maniac lived inside of me. But knowing what I know now I could say “good dear, you are finally getting in touch with your rage.”
Our rage is what allows us to deal with the injustices of life. According to Ruth King, author of “Healing Rage” the difference between anger and rage is: Anger is primarily associated with a current injustice or disappointment. Rage, on the other hand, is accumulated anger from past traumas that is “locked in our bodies and minds.” Or as they say in 12-step programs: “If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.”
I realized my repressed rage was not only at my most recent ex-husband for his actions and behavior towards me, but it was an accumulation of his behavior and every other injustice I experienced in my life beginning with birth. Not that birth itself is an injustice, but sometimes we might feel that way.
As a woman who has spent her entire adult life walking a spiritual path, getting in touch with my rage has not been easy. So many spiritual schools of thought discourage us from “having anger.” I remember a woman I knew and deeply admired from my metaphysical church years ago. We got into a bit of an argument about anger. My take on it was that anger serves us. Her belief was that anger was destructive and it never served us. At that time I had just come out of a bad relationship where I first learned about narcissism, thanks to an excellent therapist I saw. My anger was the only thing that prevented me from being sucked back into a destructive situation. My anger is what propelled me forward and eventually helped me to get beyond it. I no longer feel angry towards that person. I had a stage where I hated him, but eventually I got over it. I don’t think I would have ever made that transition between hatred and indifference had I not experienced the full force of my anger.
I believe experiencing the full weight of our rage and anger is necessary before we can experience forgiveness and peace. I believe we must get in touch with our anger before we are really ready to get into relationship again. Otherwise we will just carry it forward. You know how it goes. Anyone who has been involved with a narcissist knows the result of repressed rage. it gets projected onto innocent people. I’m guilty of doing that myself. Where anger can be like a bonfire, rage is like a volcano erupting. When we go through life believing it is not safe for us to express our rage at the injustices of life, we eventually become like that volcano. And most of us are afraid of that energy. It is pretty intense.
The greatest damage is not caused by people who are in touch with their rage. It is caused by people who aren’t. Isn’t that proof enough that we need to get in touch with that raging energy within? I think so!
My upcoming Episode of Pandora’s Box was inspired by my dream. As much as I try and communicate how important it is to “feel our feelings” I believe rage deserves its own show. Because this is the emotional energy that scares people the most. Yet it is the energy that must be felt and expressed in healthy ways before we can get beyond the Post Traumatic Stress and Obsessive focus on the person who treated us badly.
Lets give up on trying to take the path of Mother Theresa and get real. According to my Mentor, Mother Theresa had a lot of health issues. Perhaps a bit of repressed rage? No disrespect for Mother Theresa, but we are all human here and if we don’t allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of our human emotions, the ones we aren’t experiencing will turn in on us and cause illness and depression.
I invite you to join me Tuesday night as we explore this topic on a much deeper level.
Tuesday March 6th, 4pm PST: The Power of Rage
When we envision someone filled with rage, we might imagine a maniac, with wild eyes and crazy hair who is completely out of control. We might imagine someone filled with destructive energy, a sort of “Kali” on a destructive rampage. But within everyone who has gone through any kind of abuse or injustice there is a seething rage at the core. You could potentially be filled with rage and not even be aware of it. Rage turned inward can be very destructive, causing illness, dis-ease, depression and resentment and hostility towards others. In this episode of Pandora’s Box we are going to bring the rage out of the closet and take a good look at it. Look at how getting in touch with your own rage can be a powerful healer in your life.
If you would like to participate on the show you can call in during the last half at 347-826-9626
Here is a great article I found on hate. I took my own show topic and googled it to see what else came up and when I met Hugo in this article I said to myself “you go hugo.”