Everybody Has a Dark Side

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I often hear people say “he really has a dark side.”  A better way of saying this might be “he has a really dark side.”  Because the truth is….we all have a dark side.

We live in a world of duality and this means we have good/bad, light/dark, hot/cold, big/little, happy/sad.

Most of us would love to live in a world of good, light, warm, grand and happy, but right now, where we are in our human evolution, we must still navigate through life’s great challenges and an array of dark emotions.

Emotions, in and of themselves, are not dark.  They are not negative!  It is that there are emotions we don’t like to feel, because they don’t feel good.  We like to feel good!  We want to be happy all the time.  But this is not the reality we live in. Continue reading Everybody Has a Dark Side

Fear of Being Judged

One of the most difficult struggles I have had in stepping out into the world with my voice and my gifts is that I have had to confront a lot of judgment.  In the world wide web, we have access to billions of people and every individual has their own belief system and their own opinions.  I respect that!  Each individual has the right to think and believe as they wish.  Who am I to judge?  But I often don’t receive that same respect.  Because when I put myself “out there” with who I am, what I have learned and what I believe, those who strongly disagree often feel it is their right to let me know this and let me know why.

I hate to argue with people and I normally will not engage in any kind of debate or argumentative behavior.  So, when someone finds fault with me, I agree to disagree and just allow them their ideas of who I am.  Ironically, we form our ideas about others based on our ideas of ourselves.  We judge others as a result of our own self-judgment.  But we also only allow the judgments of others to penetrate us when we have self-judgment. Continue reading Fear of Being Judged

How Our Stories Keep Us Stuck

One of the most common questions victims of narcissistic abuse ask me is “how do I stop thinking about it?”  There are a lot of reasons we get stuck in ruminating about the narcissist and what he or she has done.  Often the behavior you have witnessed is atrocious, even unforgivable as you might see it.  So we are not talking about the behavior here.  We are talking about YOU. What can you do to stop this ruminating cycle of obsession and hyper-focus on the abuser and the abuse?

We don’t often think about how our stories keep us stuck, but this is exactly what happens.  Everybody has a story.  The story might go like this.  “He was having an affair with another woman for the past three years we were together and every time I felt suspicious and ask him questions he told me I was crazy and got really upset with me.  I ended up feeling I was the problem and believed I was just needy and insecure.” Continue reading How Our Stories Keep Us Stuck

Forgiving the Unforgivable

We’ve all heard that to forgive is divine, but what about those situations that feel nearly impossible to forgive?  What about those people who have treated you in such a way that it feels unforgivable?

Many of my clients talk to me about forgiveness and the first thing I say is “don’t worry about forgiving right now, allow yourself the feelings that you have. Let yourself feel your rage, your anger, your sense of injustice and all those feelings that are flooding to the surface as a result of someone else’s actions or behavior.”

Getting to a state of forgiveness too early can be detrimental to your emotional health, because you are using forgiveness as a tool to suppress the underlying emotions that need to be felt and expressed in a healthy way.  If you don’t deal with your emotional pain, it will go underground and will cause a lot of problems from the subconscious state. Continue reading Forgiving the Unforgivable