Tag Archives: emotional abuse

The Dark Side of Your Emotional Needs: Attention

Part one: How you can be manipulated through your need for attention

by Mark Tyrrell / Uncommon Knowledge

I heard a story once.

Long before mobile phones were a thing, a group of people were driving through a desert in punishing heat. As terrible luck would have it, their vehicle broke down, right there in the baking wilderness.

They were stranded for days and, drop by drop, their water supplies ran out.

Slowly, they began to die of dehydration.

One man eventually become so deliriously thirsty that he succumbed. He drank engine fuel from their vehicle. He drank so much that he died.

Not half an hour later the others, weak and dehydrated beyond belief, were rescued and given fresh water.

The man who drank engine fuel had a need. A real, undeniable need. He felt he was meeting it somehow, but the effects were deadly.

True or not, this tale is a perfect analogy for how emotional needs can make us just as vulnerable and drive us to just-as-crazy actions. And that’s what this series is all about.

Read More….

Giving Thanks for What is Good

When we have “bad things” going on in our lives, the last thing that occurs to us is to look for the good.  Typically, the pain, the loss, the trauma or whatever else is going on becomes the center of our focus.

For many, the Holidays are tough times.  You may find yourself alone, separated from family, estranged from a loved one, and feeling there is nothing to celebrate.  Although I am not encouraging celebration, I am encouraging looking for what is still standing in your life, and focus your attention there.

After a hurricane or a fire, one must assess the damages and decide if their home or any of the possessions can be saved or if they need to start over, from the ground up.

Many of us find ourselves in “start over” mode and must let go of what has been destroyed in the fire, or wiped out by the hurricane.  The most difficult part is the letting go.  We must learn to “let go” of the life we were living prior to the “disaster.”  That life is no longer available to us.  This is natures way of telling us, it is time to rebuild. Continue reading Giving Thanks for What is Good

Everybody Has a Dark Side

Listen on Pandora’s Box Radio

I often hear people say “he really has a dark side.”  A better way of saying this might be “he has a really dark side.”  Because the truth is….we all have a dark side.

We live in a world of duality and this means we have good/bad, light/dark, hot/cold, big/little, happy/sad.

Most of us would love to live in a world of good, light, warm, grand and happy, but right now, where we are in our human evolution, we must still navigate through life’s great challenges and an array of dark emotions.

Emotions, in and of themselves, are not dark.  They are not negative!  It is that there are emotions we don’t like to feel, because they don’t feel good.  We like to feel good!  We want to be happy all the time.  But this is not the reality we live in. Continue reading Everybody Has a Dark Side

How Our Stories Keep Us Stuck

One of the most common questions victims of narcissistic abuse ask me is “how do I stop thinking about it?”  There are a lot of reasons we get stuck in ruminating about the narcissist and what he or she has done.  Often the behavior you have witnessed is atrocious, even unforgivable as you might see it.  So we are not talking about the behavior here.  We are talking about YOU. What can you do to stop this ruminating cycle of obsession and hyper-focus on the abuser and the abuse?

We don’t often think about how our stories keep us stuck, but this is exactly what happens.  Everybody has a story.  The story might go like this.  “He was having an affair with another woman for the past three years we were together and every time I felt suspicious and ask him questions he told me I was crazy and got really upset with me.  I ended up feeling I was the problem and believed I was just needy and insecure.” Continue reading How Our Stories Keep Us Stuck