On The Good Karma Path

Listen to the Podcast NOW on Pandora’s Box with Kaleah

good_karma_pathKarma is the Universal Law of Cause and Effect. But how does that show up in our lives? Do we really reap what we sow? Do people really get away with cruelty and dirty deeds towards others?

In this episode of Pandora’s Box Kaleah talks about karma from the perspective of emotional life and death. She talks about Karma in relationship to living in a narcissistic society, dealing with narcissistic people and facing our own inner narcissism.

Join Kaleah to learn more about how you can walk the “Good Karma Path” and reap what you sow in a way that brings you more of what you truly seek in life.

Listen NOW!

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Psychic Energy Vampires

vampire_energy2I have frequently used the phrase “psychic vampire,” or “energy vampire” to describe a person who extracts energy from others in order to survive in their world.

We have all heard of vampires, who feed on the blood of others. The psychic vampire feeds on the “life-force” energy of others. However it is not normally a conscious endeavor.

In my book “Narcissism, The Web of Illusion” I talk about narcissistic defenses really being an “unconscious” behavior. The perpetrator is not normally aware of how his actions are affecting others. On the contrary, the perpetrator often feels he is the one being victimized. Narcissistic people are normally energy vampires.

How does one know when his/her energy is being preyed upon? It is really quite simple. Just be aware of how you feel around different people. Start making mental notes. Some people will leave you feeling happy, energized, or nurtured. Others will leave you feeling drained, tired, depressed, angry or confused in some way.

If the person who leaves you feeling tired and drained has this affect on you most of the time than they are likely an energy vampire. You may enter the interaction or conversation feeling good about something and during the course of the conversation you are transformed into feeling bad. For example: Say you just got a big promotion at work and you are really excited. You go home from work and you are high with excitement and share the good news with your partner. He or she listens to you talk about your promotion and then says something like “Good for you! Hey do you know where my blue water bottle is?”

O.K. his/her words weren’t obviously cruel or condemning. S/he even said “good for you!” But somehow you feel that you haven’t been heard and that s/he doesn’t really share in your excitement. In fact it seems more s/he could care less. You feel a plummet in your energy and suddenly you are not feeling very excited anymore. You may respond by saying “No I haven’t seen your blue bottle!” And…s/he goes on to focus on the missing bottle.

The celebration of your promotion at work was cut very short. In fact if you want to celebrate at all you will need to call a friend who actually cares about you and your good news. But by now you may not feel much like celebrating. You may feel that your promotion really isn’t that big of a deal after all. Especially since the person closest to you doesn’t seem to think it is.

Whenever you feel a sudden plummet of your energy whether from a friend, an acquaintance, a co-worker or a spouse or partner, you may be dealing with a psychic energy vampire.

A psychic vampire is not necessarily a psychic person but rather someone who preys on the psychic energy of another person.

I am very sensitive and read energy quite easily. But in the past, I didn’t know enough about this sensitivity to be able to interpret what was going on with me and why I often felt drained when around a lot of people, or certain people. Now I am aware of what is going on around me and know when to leave a room or a situation.

I meet a lot of psychic vampires who appear to be normal people going about their business. But here is what I have noticed. These type of people seem to want something from me. I notice the conversations tend to be one sided where they are doing all the talking and I am doing all the listening. There is no true interaction. I feel the conversation has been hijacked or that I am being held hostage within that person’s rant. If I try to relate or share something about myself pertaining to the conversation, I feel as if I am not at all heard. My contribution is passed up as they continue their conversation as if I haven’t said a word.

When I ask myself what the intention of these people might be, I see they are looking for admiration, approval, positive feedback, are trying to sell me something or get me to believe something. If I begin to feel annoyed, drained, or tired, I immediately excuse myself and leave the conversation.

In healthy relationships we feed each other. We share energy. One of us might be feeling down and the other can encourage us and say things to support us which can bring us up. Other times we are the ones helping and encouraging the other. It is a give and take energy exchange that is mutually beneficial. However with energy vampires, there is no give and take, only take. They don’t have any energy in their own reserves to give.

A psychic vampire or energy vampire is an emotionally and spiritually depleted individual. S/he doesn’t have a true “inner life” and is not spiritually connected to life. S/he has spent his/her life extracting energy from the outside instead of learning how to go within and cultivate his/her own inner world.

Think of the human body and its need for nutrition. Our bodies have the ability to manufacture most of what we need from within if given the right nutrients and building blocks. But let’s say a person eats nothing but junk food and then takes a lot of vitamins. He is relying on this external substance to feed him instead of feeding his body healthy substances that build his body on a cellular level. If he truly wanted to be healthy he would learn that he needed to cleanse out all the toxins that have been accumulating from years of bad eating and then begin taking in high nutrient dense foods to rebuild his body.

It is much the same with a psychic vampire except the food we are speaking of is “life-force” energy. An emotionally and spiritually healthy individual will plug directly into the source of life in order to restore himself energetically and spiritually. He might do this through prayer, meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, sitting quietly, studying either on an individual level or with a group, or talking to someone like a counselor, a minister or a wise friend. These practices have a way of restoring our energy and helping us to learn more about ourselves and our connection to life.

With a psychic vampire, s/he doesn’t really go within. S/he has spent most of his/her life running and is cut off from the true self within. S/he may be very accomplished and intelligent on a mental level. S/he may be very attractive and take good physical care of the physical form. These are things that contribute to his/her over all “outer appearance.” But within s/he is an empty shell. There is no real substance there. S/he is shallow.

The longer we are in relationship with a psychic vampire the more we recognize just how shallow s/he is. The more we search for the depth in the person, the more we realize we are dealing with a puddle rather than a lake. There really is no depth.

It is in the depths of a person we find the human spirit. We find our deepest qualities, our deepest thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams. The phrase “Know Thyself” means to take the journey within and explore the depths of our own being on an emotional and spiritual level. The greater we “know thyself” the greater our capacity to “know others.” If we avoid knowing ourselves, we also avoid truly knowing anyone else. We relate to people on a superficial level, focusing on appearances, rather than deeper truth. Things are not always as they appear to be.

If our life-force energy is in the depths of who we are, then it would make sense that someone, without depth, would need to extract from the depths of others. We get our life-force energy from being truly alive and connected to the source of life. This is where we draw our energy from. This is why spiritual retreat is necessary for the restoration of the human spirit.

Of course all of us have the capacity to be an energy vampire; especially if we have been vampired by another, are sick and/or depressed or addicted in some way. We can temporarily drain others with our neediness and desire to be fed or validated. When we heal ourselves, go within and get our “food” from the source of life, this will automatically change.

If you’ve been “vamped” or otherwise had your energy drained through a relationship with a psychic energy vampire, it is time to disconnect the psychic chords that are allowing the psychic vampire to feed on your energy and go to work restoring yourself through spiritual practice, right eating, and exercise.

An energy vampire has no real power in your life. S/he extracted your energy because you didn’t know any better at the time. You allowed it! Now that you are aware you can prevent it from happening simply by refusing to give your energy to this person and pulling your energy back once you realize you are being drained.

How We Give Psychic Vampires our Energy

We give our energy to a psychic vampire by allowing ourselves to be controlled on some level. We allow ourselves to be controlled by fear, by a desire to please, by a need for approval, and even through anger, pain and rejection. When we are angry at someone we give them a very large piece of our energy. Our energy is focused on the person we are angry at. When we feel dumped, humiliated, rejected or hurt by a relationship we also tend to give our energy to that person through our constant obsession or focus on them.

vampire energyIn abusive relationships we are constantly surrendering our energy and power in order to avoid conflict or further abuse. We suppress our voice, our energy and our personal power which is much the same as handing it over to the other person. We tolerate disrespect, dishonor, criticism, disapproval and overall poor treatment. Each time we experience our abusers disapproval we tend to feel a piece of our energy being extracted. We feel more and more powerless and the abuser feels more and more powerful.

The only way for us to get our energy and power back is to stop giving it away and remove ourselves from disrespectful and abusive environments. We have to love and respect ourselves enough to say “NO MORE!”

Once we are on our own again, it is important to turn the focus of our lives back to ourselves and remove the focus from our abuser. As I said before we continue to give our energy, on a psychic level, through obsessive focus on the past or on our abuser. Although it can be a great challenge NOT to focus on our abuser this really needs to be what we strive for.

The reason we tend to look backward so much and even become obsessed with what our abuser is doing, is that s/he still has a piece of us and we want that piece back. Our illusionary nature believes that we miss that person, miss what we had, and wish there could be a way for it to all work out, but there is much more beneath the surface. I believe we don’t miss that person as much as we miss the part of ourselves s/he took from us.

When we have separated from the energy vampire who has been extracting our life-force energy we must, at all costs, bring our focus back to ourselves and do everything within our ability to restore ourselves to health on all levels, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. This is how we will heal and restore our energy.

Remember, when you are connected to the source of life, you can draw energy directly from the light. Once you have stopped leaking your energy to the past, you can fill your reserves again and get on with your life in a much more empowered way.

We can become more empowered once we get ourselves back from a situation that extracts our energy because we learn not to allow that again. We learn how to protect ourselves and we are able to see the signs when someone is extracting our energy and leave the situation much sooner.

cord_cutting_100wDownload my “Psychic Cord Cutting” Audio program Now for only $12.97 and cut those toxic emotional cords to the energy vampire in your life.

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Loving Yourself in Relationship to Others

A Podcast on Pandora’s Box with Kaleah

relationshipsRelationships can be challenging for anyone and if we don’t have the skills to work through relationship challenges we will never have strong relationships with others.

In this Episode of Pandora’s Box, Kaleah talks about how relationships come into our lives to show us what is hidden within ourselves. We get to know ourselves on deeper and deeper levels through the mirrors of our personal relationships. We can learn to work with our shadow side and bring what is hidden to light. We can learn how to be transparent and have greater levels of intimacy.

Kaleah also talks about narcissistic personality disorder and how the complex defense structure in a narcissist prevents him/her from having a true, intimate relationship with another.

Tune in and expand your inner world!

Listen Now on Pandora’s Box with Kaleah


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Can Borderline Personality Disorder be Helped?

borderline_personalityBorderline Personality Disorder has many of the same characteristics of Narcissistic Personality and someone who is Borderline can easily be mistaken for a narcissist. But there are differences.

Borderline Personality is characterized primarily by a fear of abandonment where narcissistic personality is characterized by a fear of engulfment. This is why Borderlines have a “I hate you don’t leave me” behavioral pattern and narcissists are more likely to just push you away to deal with their fear of letting you in “too close.”

Of course a fear of intimacy is present in both disorders. To be intimate with another is to allow him or her into your “inner world” and “see” who you really are. This is terrifying to most people with Cluster B personality disorders because instead of feeling “to know me is to love me” they feel “to know me is to hate me or abandon me.”

Many borderline personalities know they have an issue. They may have an awareness they are lashing out at the ones closest to them, pushing them away and pulling them back in. They may apologize after an outburst in order to “patch things up” and may even admit to having a problem and promise to get help. The apologies and promises to get help are ploys to avoid the much feared abandonment.

Another thing that is common amongst borderline personalities is what is referred to as a very “thin skin.” This means borderlines are hypersensitive and over-reactive. They are like emotional burn victims who are so emotionally raw that the slightest concern of criticism or disapproval can set a borderline into a rage. Borderlines have difficulty controlling their emotions and often feel justified in lashing out with inappropriate and often abusive behavior.

The deep underlying insecurity will cause a borderline to be engaged in stalking behaviors to prove they are right about a partner having an affair. Often the deep, underlying insecurity will bring about the result they fear most….abandonment. If you find out the one you love is having you followed, hiring private detectives, hacking into your emails and phone records and other invasions of privacy coupled with wrongful accusations and threats, you are likely to throw in the towel at some point, sooner rather than later. If you are a relatively healthy individual why would you tolerate this kind of behavior?

In divorce a borderline personality can be ruthless, engaging in wrongful accusations, pathological lying, long custody battles and cruel attempts to destroy the former beloved. There is an underlying feeling “if I can’t have you/control you then nobody else can” or “I will destroy you as punishment for abandoning me.”

A borderline will often perceive any kind of boundary in the relationship as abandonment and will feel abandoned even if they leave the relationship first or have an affair. There is a double standard “it is okay for me to mess around and have an affair but if you do there will be hell to pay.”

A borderline will often have an affair or series of affairs not only to punish the “other” for a perceived slight, but as a backup in case the other leaves. This is ironic as the affairs are often what cause the “other” to leave.

Like a narcissist, a borderline is not accountable, will blame, lie, cheat and be cruel and vindictive towards those they are supposed to love. They can be the most charismatic and loving personalities until any perceived slight sends them in the opposite direction and the once valued and loved partner becomes the hated and the accused. It really has nothing to do with the significant other but rather the borderline’s inability to deal with her own fears and insecurities.

If someone who is in love with a borderline confronts her on her toxic behavior there will be hell to pay. She cannot accept any feedback that doesn’t paint her in a completely flattering light. Once again this originates from a feeling “if I am flawed in any way I will not be loved and I will be abandoned, therefore I paint myself in a perfect light and find fault with those who dare confront any bad behavior in me.”

Can a borderline personality be helped? Well actually the likelihood of a borderline personality getting better is much higher than the likelihood of a narcissist getting better. Why? Because borderline’s defense structure will more easily crumble and expose the wounded, fragile childlike individual who is desperate for love, attention, affection and acceptance. In these moments of truth, a borderline may be able to admit to herself and to others she has a problem and be willing to sign up for long term therapy or a program designed to help these kinds of personalities with new coping skills.

Therapists will often avoid working with borderlines because they can be very difficult clients. The therapeutic relationship, in order to be successful, must involve a close interpersonal relationship which brings all the borderline defenses out into the open. There will likely be hostility, demands, missed appointments, entitled behavior, accusations, undermining of the therapist and other behaviors that make the therapeutic relationship very unpleasant for the therapist. Therapy is often ended prematurely by either the borderline, who may hop from one therapist to the other when she gets too close to her defenses, or the therapist may choose to discontinue therapy due to missed appointments and abusive behavior towards the therapist. Of course this causes the borderline to feel abandoned by her therapist. It is a double edged sword.

If a borderline is not receiving unconditional praise and acceptance in the therapeutic relationship and is confronted on any issue, including missed appointments or lack of timely payment for her sessions, the borderline may become abusive or project the issue onto the therapist accusing her of lacking understanding, being unfair, hostile or uncaring. Although a good therapist can approach these issues with the borderline, the borderline is still in control and can end her therapy at any time. Therefore in order for a borderline personality to heal she must be committed to her therapy even if it is uncomfortable. She must learn how to voice her fears of being unloved, uncared for, or whatever else is causing her to want to escape from therapy. Abandoning before one is abandoned is a common coping mechanism for a borderline.

Although I don’t specialize in working with borderline personalities, a borderline might come to me as a result of suffering narcissistic abuse, which is my specialty. It is typical a borderline personality and a narcissistic personality will be attracted to each other.

There are many different levels of borderline personality. There is mild borderline all the way to full-blown borderline. Many of my clients may have mild borderline personality which is characterized by a strong fear of abandonment, high levels of emotional sensitivity and a pattern of unhappy relationships.

In my experience people with mild borderline personality can be pleasant and easy to work with, are willing to look at their own fears and insecurities and explore their emotional realm. These people can improve quite rapidly, over a period of months rather than years. I have had a couple full-blown borderlines come to me and the experience has not been pleasant at all. In these cases the therapeutic relationship ended by the borderline devaluing me as a counselor and disappearing. There was extreme resistance to self assessment, hyper sensitivity to therapeutic insight and also a need to be “right” about everything.

Dr. Elaine Aron, the author of “The Highly Sensitive Person” says “don’t worry we are all borderline just a little bit.” So all of you who are reading this who are thinking “I wonder if I am a borderline,” you may have some characteristics but if you are not a full-blown borderline personality, or just a highly sensitive person, which is not a disorder, you will not have the same issues as a full-blown borderline, who are often considered quite impossible to work with or have a relationship with.

Full-blown borderlines, who are committed to their treatment will often need two to ten years of consistent therapy in order to heal the disorder, but there are many accounts of diagnosed borderlines who have healed their disorder and gone on to have healthy, happy lives and relationships. This is evidence borderline personality disorder can be healed. However; if you are someone who loves a borderline and feel it is your duty to get the borderline into therapy so that you can have a happy relationship with him or her, forget about it. Most borderline’s who have a successful path to healing embark upon this path of their own desire for healing and transformation. Many of these borderlines don’t have serious relationships while in treatment. Those relationships are considered a distraction to the healing process.

If you are worried about leaving a borderline, especially understanding his or her fear of abandonment, it is important to understand that sometimes leaving a borderline is what inspires them to seek treatment; not necessarily out of an attempt to get you back, but because he or she is tired of suffering.

Borderlines do suffer and quite a lot. They are often suicidal as a result of immense suffering. Where it often seems a narcissist doesn’t suffer at all, the borderline lives a tragic and painful existence. Ironically this is what leads such a person to treatment; in attempt to end the suffering. So even though the life of a borderline personality seems so much more tragic then the narcissist, the borderline stands a much better chance of getting healthier and going on to live a happy and fulfilling life.


Kaleah is a non-traditional healer, holistic counselor, spiritual guide and clinical hypnotherapist specializing in assisting others through the dark night of the soul, healing and recovery from narcissistic abuse and other types of abuse. She has written many books on the topic of narcissistic abuse and healing from the dark night of the soul.

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Healing Your Self Image

Listen Now On Pandora’s Box with Kaleah

selfimageIn part nine of “Self Loathing to Self Loving”Kaleah delves into the topic of “Self Image” and how your beliefs effect how you feel about yourself. More powerful tools for those recovering from narcissistic abuse and also those who are simply recovering the SELF.

In this episode Kaleah talks about how a relationship with a narcissist affects one’s Self Image and how you can take charge of how you perceive yourself in order to feel better not only on the inside but also feel better about the reflection you see in the mirror.

“The deeper truth is the way we perceive ourselves physical comes directly with how we feel about ourselves on the inside. When we close our eyes and drop inside of ourselves we have a feeling that is either peaceful or chaotic. We either like the way we feel or we don’t. That “inside” feeling is projected upon our physical appearance and influences how we perceive ourselves physically.”

Listen Now!

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