I have been traveling and feeling a bit exhausted at the moment. I’m in need of a little down time. I am taking two weeks off Pandora’s Box and will return on the 29th of July.
Part of recharging our batteries involves “Self Care” and the ability to recognize when we are running on empty. Sometimes we need to take a step back and re-fuel not just on a physical level but a mental, spiritual and emotional level.
My Summer vacation has been a working vacation and has been filled with experiences of family, old friends and some ghosts from my past. It seems a lot of emotion has been drudged up from the archives as I seek to find healing and understanding of old wounds.
Sometimes I feel that I am in the spotlight and need to be an example of success and holistic health, displaying balance in all areas of my life. I am afraid to admit when I am feeling out of balance; when I’m not feeling strong and vibrant and full of life. I place pretty powerful expectations on myself and sometimes I simply fall short.
I have to take a step back and sink deeply into my humanness. I have to merge with my feelings of sadness, grief, disappointment, frustration and confusion. I have to get honest with myself and admit that I live in a world of complex emotions and sometimes I feel swallowed up by those emotions. Sometimes I feel the wave has consumed me and I can no longer surf. Instead I must allow myself to be consumed.
The path to wholeness is the path of least resistance. The more we resist the more what we resists persists. Surrendering to “what is” is key. The path to healing for me has been to surrender to my emotional pain and simply allow it to be. I feel it! I write about it! I express it! And soon it passes! Soon I am happy and smiling again and can reach out and help others through the darkness.
Do we ever really surpass our pain? Do we ever truly live a “pain free” life? I can’t answer that. We all know people who paint on a happy face and bypass their emotional nature. We all know people who pretend everything is fine when really it is not. We all know people who spiritually bypass their emotional natures in favor of an “its all good” attitude.
Some people have more pain than others, because they were born into more painful environments, or survived more painful circumstances. But the truth is; life is an emotional roller coaster ride. It is like the seasons and the weather, forever shifting and changing. Some people are like a tropical environment where the sun is always shining but even the tropics have storms; even the tropics have downpours, hurricanes and huge waves.
Many people may surf on the top of their pain and never really feel it or allow themselves to be pulled into it. Some people are detached emotionally and put forth a cool, calm and collected facade. Still pain is a part of life and like the weather some days are bright and sunshiny and other days are dark and gloomy. Such is life.
It is when we expect ourselves to always be a perfect sunshiny day that we condemn ourselves when the rough weather arrives. We make ourselves wrong or bad for having dark or heavy emotions. We judge ourselves for having feelings about things we really should have feelings about. How many times do I hear people tell me “I’m sorry” when they cry as if crying is something to apologize for?
I have learned to stop apologizing for my feelings, for my low moods and emotional heaviness. I have also learned to stop feeling guilty for my happiness and joy. It is all part of who I am. I am all the colors of the rainbow and if people expect me to be all light and no dark they will be disappointed. I am all of it! I am the full spectrum of emotions and I have worked very hard to embrace all of who I am. This is what wholeness really is. It is not some lofty ideal of some perfectly forever green person. We become whole when we can embrace all of who we are, the light and the dark.
One thing I realize is that when we are in a low mood; when we are feeling emotionally heavy, we tend to project that heaviness upon certain situations in our lives and believe these situations are responsible for our heavy emotions. But there may be more going on behind the scenes than meets the eye. We may be feeling old wounds surfacing. We may be super sensitive and feeling the chaos on a global scale. We may be preparing to morph into a higher version of ourselves and we feel the discomfort and pain of a life outgrowing its old form.
The best way that I have found to deal with low moods is to stop judging it as something wrong or bad and instead ride it out. Just as we would ride out a storm. In time it will pass.
I am riding out a storm. It came on quite suddenly. I didn’t see it coming. The wave hit me with a big crash and pulled me under. I’m okay. I’m recovering! I expect the storm will pass by Thursday and I will be happily driving back home to Arizona, stopping at the hotsprings, soaking my tired body and pulling off the road on a whim to go explore some unknown territory. I will be happy to have an entire week and a half to myself to follow the call of my spirit. I will have left the past behind; again.