Self Love and Gratitude

ThanksgivingThis week, in the U.S., we celebrate Thanksgiving. I have been a vegetarian for decades and Thanksgiving Day is not about the Turkey Feast. It is about gathering with friends and celebrating what it is we are truly grateful for in our lives.

When going through pain and hardship it can be difficult to think about what you are grateful for, and often difficult to feel any gratitude at all. It seems to be human nature that our inner focus is directed to “what’s wrong” rather than “whats right.” We are problem solvers and want to solve “what is wrong” in order to achieve our goal of having “everything right.”

We are human and we are flawed. We will never have all our duckies in a row and perfection will always elude us. However we do have an amazing capacity to feel love and joy.

selflove5Studies show that “gratitude” is a powerful healer. Whether you are sick, in pain or depressed, by focusing on what you are grateful for, you begin to shift your attention to “the glass is half full” rather than “half empty.”

It is “self loving” to actually seek out things to love about yourself and about your current circumstances, whatever they are. If you don’t know where to begin, do a personal inventory. Do you have your arms and legs? Can you see? Can you hear? Can you taste your food? Do you feel? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food on your plate when you are hungry? Do you have anyone in your life who you know really loves you?

Dr. Ernest Holmes, founder of Religious Science, tells us “comparison is the cause of all unhappiness.” We tend to compare ourselves to those we see as having less than we do and as a result we feel superior and we compare ourselves with those we perceive as “having more” and feel inferior. Both superiority and inferiority separate us from each other. We do not see ourselves as equal and therefore we build walls that separate us from standing on common ground.

Since many of us tend to see the glass as “half empty,” the comparisons we make in our daily life are most often focused on our lack and limitation. We don’t have enough and we are not enough. We compare ourselves with those, we perceive, as having more and feel insecure and inadequate. This is not self loving. It is self sabotaging.

Practicing gratitude is a way to take us from focusing outside of ourselves on the successes and failures of others and instead focus inward on our own blessings. The more we focus on our blessings the more we become aware of what is good in our lives and the more “good” we attract into our lives. We also begin to feel better about ourselves. We stop comparing ourselves to the fortunes and misfortunes of others and start to realize that our life is meant to be lived for our own soul’s growth and we need to celebrate our own successes.

Those who wake up in the morning and count their blessings will have more blessings to count. This is because “counting your blessings,” creates an energetic vibration of gratitude that, through the law of attraction, draws more to you on that same vibrational wavelength.

When I work with people who have just come out of terrible relationships and are in deep emotional pain, I often suggest they shift the way they look at what just happened. One can say “my husband left me for another woman,” or she can say “the Universe removed this person from my life so that I can know myself on greater levels, learn to love myself more, and attract someone into my life who will mirror to me my own self love.”

If, at the core, we are self loathing, rather than self loving, we will attract into our lives someone who mirrors to us our own self loathing. This means we may attract someone who abuses us, or treats us poorly. We may not have been aware of how much “self loathing” we actually had, on a subconscious level, until we found ourselves in relationship with someone who made us feel really ugly and worthless. We may stay in that relationship because there is a core belief we don’t deserve anything more. Bad relationships are a great way to “root out” those negative core beliefs and show us how we really feel about ourselves. If that person leaves, say “thank you;” because you are now being given an opportunity to move up the vibrational ladder to greater self love and awareness.

The pain we are often left with in circumstances like this, is our deep core pain being rooted out. We may have moved through a life filled with distractions so we didn’t really have to look that deeply at ourselves and at some point your soul says “it’s time to evolve beyond this pattern” and will create the circumstances for your evolution. It may be painful, because you are growing out of a self sabotaging, dysfunctional pattern. You are facing your inner demons, your shadow side, in a way you never have before. So if you are in pain from being thrown into a deep inner growth challenge, say “thank you for this opportunity to grow from self loathing to self loving.”

Even in the most painful circumstances we can find something to be grateful for. Feel the pain! Embrace the healing process! But seek out what is good about where you find yourself and celebrate that.

When you practice gratitude in your daily life it becomes second nature. You simply begin to see the glass as “half full” in your life and you naturally have an attitude of gratitude which gives you a more positive outlook on life and a happier disposition.

So “be glad” for the good and trust that life is moving you towards your highest good and the greatest fulfillment of your life purpose.

Happy Thanks Giving!

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Is It Love? Or an Over Excited Nervous System?

Next On Pandora’s Box with Kaleah

talkaboutloveWe often have such an activated nervous system in relationships where we don’t feel safe. We interpret that activated nervous system from abusive or neglectful relationships as excitement. Your draw to that person is a draw to excitement because excitement makes you feel alive.

In this episdoe of Pandora’s Box, Kaleah talks about the dynamics behind our draw to the narcissist, sociopath or abuser in our lives, trauma bonds, the Stockholm Syndrome, and how we can truly heal and move forward into a healthy relationship with ourselves.

Listen Now On Blog Talk Radio

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On The Good Karma Path

Listen to the Podcast NOW on Pandora’s Box with Kaleah

good_karma_pathKarma is the Universal Law of Cause and Effect. But how does that show up in our lives? Do we really reap what we sow? Do people really get away with cruelty and dirty deeds towards others?

In this episode of Pandora’s Box Kaleah talks about karma from the perspective of emotional life and death. She talks about Karma in relationship to living in a narcissistic society, dealing with narcissistic people and facing our own inner narcissism.

Join Kaleah to learn more about how you can walk the “Good Karma Path” and reap what you sow in a way that brings you more of what you truly seek in life.

Listen NOW!

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Psychic Energy Vampires

vampire_energy2I have frequently used the phrase “psychic vampire,” or “energy vampire” to describe a person who extracts energy from others in order to survive in their world.

We have all heard of vampires, who feed on the blood of others. The psychic vampire feeds on the “life-force” energy of others. However it is not normally a conscious endeavor.

In my book “Narcissism, The Web of Illusion” I talk about narcissistic defenses really being an “unconscious” behavior. The perpetrator is not normally aware of how his actions are affecting others. On the contrary, the perpetrator often feels he is the one being victimized. Narcissistic people are normally energy vampires.

How does one know when his/her energy is being preyed upon? It is really quite simple. Just be aware of how you feel around different people. Start making mental notes. Some people will leave you feeling happy, energized, or nurtured. Others will leave you feeling drained, tired, depressed, angry or confused in some way.

If the person who leaves you feeling tired and drained has this affect on you most of the time than they are likely an energy vampire. You may enter the interaction or conversation feeling good about something and during the course of the conversation you are transformed into feeling bad. For example: Say you just got a big promotion at work and you are really excited. You go home from work and you are high with excitement and share the good news with your partner. He or she listens to you talk about your promotion and then says something like “Good for you! Hey do you know where my blue water bottle is?”

O.K. his/her words weren’t obviously cruel or condemning. S/he even said “good for you!” But somehow you feel that you haven’t been heard and that s/he doesn’t really share in your excitement. In fact it seems more s/he could care less. You feel a plummet in your energy and suddenly you are not feeling very excited anymore. You may respond by saying “No I haven’t seen your blue bottle!” And…s/he goes on to focus on the missing bottle.

The celebration of your promotion at work was cut very short. In fact if you want to celebrate at all you will need to call a friend who actually cares about you and your good news. But by now you may not feel much like celebrating. You may feel that your promotion really isn’t that big of a deal after all. Especially since the person closest to you doesn’t seem to think it is.

Whenever you feel a sudden plummet of your energy whether from a friend, an acquaintance, a co-worker or a spouse or partner, you may be dealing with a psychic energy vampire.

A psychic vampire is not necessarily a psychic person but rather someone who preys on the psychic energy of another person.

I am very sensitive and read energy quite easily. But in the past, I didn’t know enough about this sensitivity to be able to interpret what was going on with me and why I often felt drained when around a lot of people, or certain people. Now I am aware of what is going on around me and know when to leave a room or a situation.

I meet a lot of psychic vampires who appear to be normal people going about their business. But here is what I have noticed. These type of people seem to want something from me. I notice the conversations tend to be one sided where they are doing all the talking and I am doing all the listening. There is no true interaction. I feel the conversation has been hijacked or that I am being held hostage within that person’s rant. If I try to relate or share something about myself pertaining to the conversation, I feel as if I am not at all heard. My contribution is passed up as they continue their conversation as if I haven’t said a word.

When I ask myself what the intention of these people might be, I see they are looking for admiration, approval, positive feedback, are trying to sell me something or get me to believe something. If I begin to feel annoyed, drained, or tired, I immediately excuse myself and leave the conversation.

In healthy relationships we feed each other. We share energy. One of us might be feeling down and the other can encourage us and say things to support us which can bring us up. Other times we are the ones helping and encouraging the other. It is a give and take energy exchange that is mutually beneficial. However with energy vampires, there is no give and take, only take. They don’t have any energy in their own reserves to give.

A psychic vampire or energy vampire is an emotionally and spiritually depleted individual. S/he doesn’t have a true “inner life” and is not spiritually connected to life. S/he has spent his/her life extracting energy from the outside instead of learning how to go within and cultivate his/her own inner world.

Think of the human body and its need for nutrition. Our bodies have the ability to manufacture most of what we need from within if given the right nutrients and building blocks. But let’s say a person eats nothing but junk food and then takes a lot of vitamins. He is relying on this external substance to feed him instead of feeding his body healthy substances that build his body on a cellular level. If he truly wanted to be healthy he would learn that he needed to cleanse out all the toxins that have been accumulating from years of bad eating and then begin taking in high nutrient dense foods to rebuild his body.

It is much the same with a psychic vampire except the food we are speaking of is “life-force” energy. An emotionally and spiritually healthy individual will plug directly into the source of life in order to restore himself energetically and spiritually. He might do this through prayer, meditation, yoga, spending time in nature, sitting quietly, studying either on an individual level or with a group, or talking to someone like a counselor, a minister or a wise friend. These practices have a way of restoring our energy and helping us to learn more about ourselves and our connection to life.

With a psychic vampire, s/he doesn’t really go within. S/he has spent most of his/her life running and is cut off from the true self within. S/he may be very accomplished and intelligent on a mental level. S/he may be very attractive and take good physical care of the physical form. These are things that contribute to his/her over all “outer appearance.” But within s/he is an empty shell. There is no real substance there. S/he is shallow.

The longer we are in relationship with a psychic vampire the more we recognize just how shallow s/he is. The more we search for the depth in the person, the more we realize we are dealing with a puddle rather than a lake. There really is no depth.

It is in the depths of a person we find the human spirit. We find our deepest qualities, our deepest thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams. The phrase “Know Thyself” means to take the journey within and explore the depths of our own being on an emotional and spiritual level. The greater we “know thyself” the greater our capacity to “know others.” If we avoid knowing ourselves, we also avoid truly knowing anyone else. We relate to people on a superficial level, focusing on appearances, rather than deeper truth. Things are not always as they appear to be.

If our life-force energy is in the depths of who we are, then it would make sense that someone, without depth, would need to extract from the depths of others. We get our life-force energy from being truly alive and connected to the source of life. This is where we draw our energy from. This is why spiritual retreat is necessary for the restoration of the human spirit.

Of course all of us have the capacity to be an energy vampire; especially if we have been vampired by another, are sick and/or depressed or addicted in some way. We can temporarily drain others with our neediness and desire to be fed or validated. When we heal ourselves, go within and get our “food” from the source of life, this will automatically change.

If you’ve been “vamped” or otherwise had your energy drained through a relationship with a psychic energy vampire, it is time to disconnect the psychic chords that are allowing the psychic vampire to feed on your energy and go to work restoring yourself through spiritual practice, right eating, and exercise.

An energy vampire has no real power in your life. S/he extracted your energy because you didn’t know any better at the time. You allowed it! Now that you are aware you can prevent it from happening simply by refusing to give your energy to this person and pulling your energy back once you realize you are being drained.

How We Give Psychic Vampires our Energy

We give our energy to a psychic vampire by allowing ourselves to be controlled on some level. We allow ourselves to be controlled by fear, by a desire to please, by a need for approval, and even through anger, pain and rejection. When we are angry at someone we give them a very large piece of our energy. Our energy is focused on the person we are angry at. When we feel dumped, humiliated, rejected or hurt by a relationship we also tend to give our energy to that person through our constant obsession or focus on them.

vampire energyIn abusive relationships we are constantly surrendering our energy and power in order to avoid conflict or further abuse. We suppress our voice, our energy and our personal power which is much the same as handing it over to the other person. We tolerate disrespect, dishonor, criticism, disapproval and overall poor treatment. Each time we experience our abusers disapproval we tend to feel a piece of our energy being extracted. We feel more and more powerless and the abuser feels more and more powerful.

The only way for us to get our energy and power back is to stop giving it away and remove ourselves from disrespectful and abusive environments. We have to love and respect ourselves enough to say “NO MORE!”

Once we are on our own again, it is important to turn the focus of our lives back to ourselves and remove the focus from our abuser. As I said before we continue to give our energy, on a psychic level, through obsessive focus on the past or on our abuser. Although it can be a great challenge NOT to focus on our abuser this really needs to be what we strive for.

The reason we tend to look backward so much and even become obsessed with what our abuser is doing, is that s/he still has a piece of us and we want that piece back. Our illusionary nature believes that we miss that person, miss what we had, and wish there could be a way for it to all work out, but there is much more beneath the surface. I believe we don’t miss that person as much as we miss the part of ourselves s/he took from us.

When we have separated from the energy vampire who has been extracting our life-force energy we must, at all costs, bring our focus back to ourselves and do everything within our ability to restore ourselves to health on all levels, mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. This is how we will heal and restore our energy.

Remember, when you are connected to the source of life, you can draw energy directly from the light. Once you have stopped leaking your energy to the past, you can fill your reserves again and get on with your life in a much more empowered way.

We can become more empowered once we get ourselves back from a situation that extracts our energy because we learn not to allow that again. We learn how to protect ourselves and we are able to see the signs when someone is extracting our energy and leave the situation much sooner.

cord_cutting_100wDownload my “Psychic Cord Cutting” Audio program Now for only $12.97 and cut those toxic emotional cords to the energy vampire in your life.

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Loving Yourself in Relationship to Others

A Podcast on Pandora’s Box with Kaleah

relationshipsRelationships can be challenging for anyone and if we don’t have the skills to work through relationship challenges we will never have strong relationships with others.

In this Episode of Pandora’s Box, Kaleah talks about how relationships come into our lives to show us what is hidden within ourselves. We get to know ourselves on deeper and deeper levels through the mirrors of our personal relationships. We can learn to work with our shadow side and bring what is hidden to light. We can learn how to be transparent and have greater levels of intimacy.

Kaleah also talks about narcissistic personality disorder and how the complex defense structure in a narcissist prevents him/her from having a true, intimate relationship with another.

Tune in and expand your inner world!

Listen Now on Pandora’s Box with Kaleah


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