Reconnecting with Soul

selflove5I recently participated in a powerful Full Moon, sound healing meditation with an amazing group of people and the result for me was incredible. I had not realized how much soul loss I had experienced in this past year through various relationship dynamics.  I had not realized the affect that soul loss had on me.

It began with chronic insomnia, the inability to fall asleep. I would lay awake night after night praying for sleep but it never came. Slowly my body began to deteriorate due to lack of regeneration. I reached my “bottom” or ultimate “low” which resulted in the ending of a relationship I was in. I found myself having to pull myself from the depths of the “low” point physical, mentally and spiritually and at the same time recover from losing the “love” in my life.

In the beginning it felt like a “hopeless” journey, but little by little I began to sleep again and reconnected with nature through daily walks down by the river. I could feel myself slowly coming back, emerging from the darkness and the desperation that resulted from feeling so disconnected from my own soul.

At the full moon gathering I connected with a beautiful woman who was clearly on the same energetic vibrational level I was. We fully connected and were amazed at how much we shared the same views and the same journey. We talked about the “destroyer” energy that takes us down to “nothingness” so that we may be reborn. I was not a stranger to this energy. How many times have I found myself challenged by “the destroyer.”

The “destroyer” is like the “Kali” energy. Kali is the Hindu Goddess of Destruction and Rebir1506781_728894297194498_5325223279088910895_nth. She is the destroyer of the illusion. If we find ourselves getting too rooted in “the illusion” when our souls purpose is to awaken, we may find ourselves fully immersed in the fires of transformation, being taken down to ashes so that we can rise again, like the Phoenix, into a new life.

The “NEW” life is always greater than the old but we must understand that the “greatness” of our new life has more to do with our connection to our soul than anything else.

In our illusionary world we have been taught that finding “love” or a romantic partner to share our life with is the ultimate happy ending. However this is completely untrue! Romantic partners never have the power to make us whole or bring us lasting happiness. Sure the “honeymoon” period is steeped with “feel good” chemicals that we become addicted to. But eventually those chemicals wear off and we are left with the deeper truth of what our relationships are based on.

selflove3Truly our relationships will mirror to us our deepest “disconnection” to our own soul. When we try to get our “soul needs” met through another, we are doomed to fail.

If you have a history of seeking for “wholeness” and “happiness” through a dysfunctional relationship, then you are likely disconnected from your soul. The pain of that disconnection drives you to feel “connected” with others; however you cannot truly connect with others on any deep level if you have not connected to your own soul.

The desire for a “soulmate” relationship is really the desire to feel connected to your own soul. Most of us still walk through life hoping to find “the one” who will bring to us what is lacking in our lives. This is NOT going to happen.

What our relationships do is mirror to us just how disconnected we really are. If we expect that relationship to give us the missing connection, we will be very disappointed and unhappy, once the honeymoon period has ended. We may get angry and lash out at our partner because we don’t feel our needs are being met. We may see it as a need for attention, for love, for affection, and ultimately for closeness. But once again we must be able to achieve that “closeness” with Self/Soul before we can ever expect to achieve that “closeness” with another.

man-woman-thumbs-upDuring the honeymoon period, due to the “feel good” chemicals that are released, we may believe we are connected to “the other” and we get “high” on that perceived connection. But it is not a true connection. If you get “high” on a drug, it “feels good” in the moment, but when you “come down” you may experience a “crash” or burn out and need more and more of the drug in order to achieve that “high.” Romance can work like this too. You may find yourself chasing after the drug of “love” and need more and more of that drug to keep you “high.”

Many people cannot be without a relationship for any period of time because they are addicted to “the high” of falling in love or being in love. But ultimately it ends the same way; in disappointment. It is easy to place the blame on the new partner and search for a perceived “better” partner to be everything for you that the old one wasn’t. But ultimately the result is the same. This is because it isn’t really about the partner at all. It is about your relationship to the SELF/Soul. If your inner relationship is suffering all your outer relationships will suffer too.

10378146_315960601939374_3868825891501148816_nI know in my case I had not realized how much I was disconnected until my relationship ended and I found myself on a serious healing path. I was having a conversation with a good friend and heard myself saying something quite profound. “My spirit just wouldn’t let me sleep through this.” Aha! My spirit did not want me going back to sleep and so it kept me awake until the life I was creating was completely destroyed.

At first I reeled in the pain of the destruction! But then I woke up completely! I saw the deeper truth! I saw that what I had perceived as destruction was really an opportunity to reconnect! Not with “the other” but with the Self/soul. Once I reconnected the pain left me. I had returned to my spiritual path in a big way. All distractions had been removed from my life, until I found what was most important.

When one suffers from chronic insomnia it is suggested you limit your time on the Internet and using any electronic devices, especially in the evening. So my usual routines of occupying myself on the Internet, or texting a friend, had to go. I had to instill peace and quiet in the evenings, free of distraction. I hadn’t realized just how much I was distracting myself until those distractions were removed. With the insomnia, I had no energy and so couldn’t distract myself with “doing” either. I had to return to the state of “being.” This was actually a major gift.

I hadn’t realized how “wide open” I was until I went to the full moon, sound healing meditation and felt this deep connection with so many people. It was like my heart was wide open. I was not this fragile, crippled, individual I had been feeling like only days ago. I was a woman who had found God and was profoundly connected to this spiritual “oneness” that allowed me to experience a deep connection with others.

DSCF5210I was invited to share my gift of song with others as we sat around a fire in a Tee-pee. I called upon spirit to “sing through me” and offered my voice for the greater good of all. The song that came through me connected me even deeper to those who listened.

Reconnecting to my soul helped me to find my “song” again and in listening to my “song” people could feel their own connection to soul in a deeper way.

I had not realized how I “lost my song.” That soulful, musically connected part of me had gone underground. I had no desire to sing. In fact I had no desire to do much of anything.

I cannot blame my relationships for my losing my SELF. It was my own doing. I still had a co-dependent aspect of me that wanted to please others and so I focused more on what others wanted than what was in my own highest good. I was giving my power away so subtly that I didn’t realize what I was doing, until it was already done. It seems most of us do this! We don’t realize we are losing ourselves until we are lost.

Like the prodigal son returning home to his Father, I returned home to Self/soul and it was a sweet reunion. The soul is always there, awaiting our return with open arms.

I have given up the search for a soulmate! I will no longer look for someone to be my constant companion and fulfill that part of me that only God can fill. I am embracing my “aloneness” and learning to love it. It took me nearly fifty-five years to realize “there is no other.”

selflove2Our relationship with our SELF/soul is the most important and the deepest relationship we will ever have. When we can get that piece and learn to treasure it, we will never feel empty, or lonely. We come to realize that we are “Soul” and “Soul” is not confined by the human form. “Soul” is an eternal energy that is experiencing itself through our physical form. “Soul is the lifeforce energy in all living things and it knows no separation.

Separation is created by our ego, our small self. We perceive ourselves as separate when we have a need to see ourselves as superior or inferior to others. It is our perceived separation that distances us from “the other.” Our small self feels it is either “not good enough” or “too good” for others.

As we bridge the distance between Self and Soul we discover that “Soul” is not good or bad, right or wrong, inferior or superior, dark or light. These judgments are ego perceptions.

Soul is never separate from the Oneness we call God. When we experience ourselves in that “oneness” we no longer experience the separation that causes us to judge others out of a need to see oneself as superior or inferior. That need to judge comes from a deep internal discontent that causes us to blame others for not being who we “need” them to be.

People are simply at different levels of awakening and awareness. The more “unaware” one is the more he or she will project onto  “the other” his/her own unhealed wounds and attack and blame others for failing to fill the unmet need.

Our deepest unmet need is our need to feel connected. When we learn that the only way we will ever feel connected is through our own inner relationship with Self/Soul, we can be fully liberated from our search to find “the one” who will finally set us free.

Posted in Articles, Healing, Personal & Spiritual Growth | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Addicted to Chaos and Drama

If you find that you continue to get involved in relationships where there is constant drama and chaos, there may be an inner aspect of you that is addicted to the drama. Why do you continue to return to unhealthy and toxic relationships and environments? Why do you find it so difficult to break away?

In this episode of Pandora’s Box, Kaleah talks about why we are drawn to chaos and drama and what you can do to change the patterns that keep you going back time and time again.

Posted in Healing, Narcissism and Abuse, Personal & Spiritual Growth, Radio Shows | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Healing Core Pain Class Launching!

Happy New Year!

breakingfreeThe first of the year is a great time to clear the slate and start fresh with a dedicated commitment to yourself and creating the life you really want to live.

If you have been suffering or living in a lot of pain, perhaps it is time to go deeper into it, understand it and find a way to release your pain and move towards greater and greater joy. Joy and pain are on opposite ends of the same spectrum, so the deeper you feel the pain, the deeper you will also experience your joy.

This month I am resurrecting my “Healing Core Pain” tele-class to assist you in moving through your pain which ultimately leads you out of pain. In this class you will have the opportunity to confront your pain on a deeper level and learn tools to help you to cope, tolerate and be with your pain so that you are no longer running from it or trying to escape it.

The more you are able to cope with or tolerate your pain, the less you will need addictions and dysfunctional relationships to distract you from it. When you can move through pain and to Joy you can re-create a life that is fulfilling and say “no” to relationships where you don’t feel loved, cared for or supported.

Ultimately your greatest relationship is with yourself and so you need to learn to be with yourself, regardless of what you are experiencing. You need to be able to confront pain and loneliness. The more powerful your relationship with yourself, the less you will need to project your unhealed wounds onto others or take on the projections of others. You will “know yourself” and know what belongs to you and what doesn’t.

Pain is a part of life and we can never truly avoid it. Stuff happens. But we can develop a much more powerful relationship with our pain and move through it much more quickly, each time there is a painful occurrence in our lives.

I invite you to join me for my four week tele-class “Healing Core Pain” and change your relationship to your pain. This class will be a combination of lecture, support, hypnotherapy and guided process.

Learn more and sign up for “Healing Core Pain” Here!

Posted in Classes, Healing, Narcissism and Abuse, Personal & Spiritual Growth | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pandora’s Box has a New Home!

kaleahPandora’s Box Radio was launched in January of 2012 and celebrates it’s fourth year anniversary the first of January. Prior to the launch of Pandora’s Box my show was called “Dispelling the Myths” and all the shows for the past seven years are available in the archives at:

As my personal life and my work took me deeper into the emotional realms, it felt Pandora’s Box was being opened and all the emotions I had been suppressing began to find their way to the surface of my awareness. The result was entering a “Dark Night of the Soul” back in 2011. I learned so much about emotional honesty and emotional intelligence during the journey of this dark night that it was a natural evolution to begin teaching what I had learned. Pandora’s Box Radio was birthed out of my desire to begin digging deeper into our emotional reality; what I feel to be the most authentic journey to finding our true self.

Dispelling the Myths was a show where I conducted a lot of interviews bringing other people’s work in front of my audience but I didn’t really talk a lot about my own ideas and the awareness I was gaining. So Pandora’s Box was my opportunity to begin talking about what I was teaching in my books, audio’s, classes and counseling sessions. The feedback I received from listeners was very positive as many people wrote and told me they much preferred it when I talked rather than interviewing others.

Pandora’s Box began as a live broadcast; however each show was recorded and available in the archives immediately after the broadcast. What I realized is that most of my listeners were listening to the recorded podcasts. The live shows were not drawing a large audience. I felt the quality of the audio wasn’t that great as I had to dial into the switchboard via phone for a live broadcast. I was also running into more and more technical issues and due to errors beyond my control I was having to re-broadcast several shows. This is why I made the decision to go from live broadcasting to podcasting. I am able to provide a higher quality audio and have a little more control over my time.

After much research I found, which I am very happy with. I created and begin a new journey into the world of podcasting. I invite you to check it out. Podbean, like blogtalkradio, allows you to download each episode, listen and download from I-tunes, or just listen Online. You can also “follow” Pandora’s Box and be notified of each new episode that is posted.

As I head into a new year and a new direction with Pandora’s Box I want to thank all of you who have been listeners for years and those who are new to listening. I value you! You are the reason I am still here. As always, thank you for listening and it is my hope we will go many more years together.

Blessings and Happy Holidays to you!


Posted in Personal & Spiritual Growth, Radio Shows | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Self Love and Gratitude

ThanksgivingThis week, in the U.S., we celebrate Thanksgiving. I have been a vegetarian for decades and Thanksgiving Day is not about the Turkey Feast. It is about gathering with friends and celebrating what it is we are truly grateful for in our lives.

When going through pain and hardship it can be difficult to think about what you are grateful for, and often difficult to feel any gratitude at all. It seems to be human nature that our inner focus is directed to “what’s wrong” rather than “whats right.” We are problem solvers and want to solve “what is wrong” in order to achieve our goal of having “everything right.”

We are human and we are flawed. We will never have all our duckies in a row and perfection will always elude us. However we do have an amazing capacity to feel love and joy.

selflove5Studies show that “gratitude” is a powerful healer. Whether you are sick, in pain or depressed, by focusing on what you are grateful for, you begin to shift your attention to “the glass is half full” rather than “half empty.”

It is “self loving” to actually seek out things to love about yourself and about your current circumstances, whatever they are. If you don’t know where to begin, do a personal inventory. Do you have your arms and legs? Can you see? Can you hear? Can you taste your food? Do you feel? Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food on your plate when you are hungry? Do you have anyone in your life who you know really loves you?

Dr. Ernest Holmes, founder of Religious Science, tells us “comparison is the cause of all unhappiness.” We tend to compare ourselves to those we see as having less than we do and as a result we feel superior and we compare ourselves with those we perceive as “having more” and feel inferior. Both superiority and inferiority separate us from each other. We do not see ourselves as equal and therefore we build walls that separate us from standing on common ground.

Since many of us tend to see the glass as “half empty,” the comparisons we make in our daily life are most often focused on our lack and limitation. We don’t have enough and we are not enough. We compare ourselves with those, we perceive, as having more and feel insecure and inadequate. This is not self loving. It is self sabotaging.

Practicing gratitude is a way to take us from focusing outside of ourselves on the successes and failures of others and instead focus inward on our own blessings. The more we focus on our blessings the more we become aware of what is good in our lives and the more “good” we attract into our lives. We also begin to feel better about ourselves. We stop comparing ourselves to the fortunes and misfortunes of others and start to realize that our life is meant to be lived for our own soul’s growth and we need to celebrate our own successes.

Those who wake up in the morning and count their blessings will have more blessings to count. This is because “counting your blessings,” creates an energetic vibration of gratitude that, through the law of attraction, draws more to you on that same vibrational wavelength.

When I work with people who have just come out of terrible relationships and are in deep emotional pain, I often suggest they shift the way they look at what just happened. One can say “my husband left me for another woman,” or she can say “the Universe removed this person from my life so that I can know myself on greater levels, learn to love myself more, and attract someone into my life who will mirror to me my own self love.”

If, at the core, we are self loathing, rather than self loving, we will attract into our lives someone who mirrors to us our own self loathing. This means we may attract someone who abuses us, or treats us poorly. We may not have been aware of how much “self loathing” we actually had, on a subconscious level, until we found ourselves in relationship with someone who made us feel really ugly and worthless. We may stay in that relationship because there is a core belief we don’t deserve anything more. Bad relationships are a great way to “root out” those negative core beliefs and show us how we really feel about ourselves. If that person leaves, say “thank you;” because you are now being given an opportunity to move up the vibrational ladder to greater self love and awareness.

The pain we are often left with in circumstances like this, is our deep core pain being rooted out. We may have moved through a life filled with distractions so we didn’t really have to look that deeply at ourselves and at some point your soul says “it’s time to evolve beyond this pattern” and will create the circumstances for your evolution. It may be painful, because you are growing out of a self sabotaging, dysfunctional pattern. You are facing your inner demons, your shadow side, in a way you never have before. So if you are in pain from being thrown into a deep inner growth challenge, say “thank you for this opportunity to grow from self loathing to self loving.”

Even in the most painful circumstances we can find something to be grateful for. Feel the pain! Embrace the healing process! But seek out what is good about where you find yourself and celebrate that.

When you practice gratitude in your daily life it becomes second nature. You simply begin to see the glass as “half full” in your life and you naturally have an attitude of gratitude which gives you a more positive outlook on life and a happier disposition.

So “be glad” for the good and trust that life is moving you towards your highest good and the greatest fulfillment of your life purpose.

Happy Thanks Giving!

Posted in Healing, Narcissism and Abuse, Personal & Spiritual Growth | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment